IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

People living in the 21st century have a better life quality than people who lived in previous times. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #st #century #life #quality #times
It is often
arguing
Wrong verb form
argued
show examples
 that gradually the
life
 quality has improved during the year, even if it has numerous issues in recent decades . I totally support
this
 idea and, in my book, it would be sensed more yearly . I will outline my supportive reasons
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 perspective. On the one hand, in terms of facilities and development, over the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
, based on enhancement in science and technology, it
makes
Wrong verb form
has made
show examples
 headway in improving the
life
 quality, especially, in
transportation
Add an article
the transportation
show examples
 industry, which has faced a big convert from horse and buggy into the quickest modern vehicle in the
last
 century. The Internet invention not only has paved the way
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 people’s communication
,
Add the word(s)
, but
show examples
also
avoid
Wrong verb form
avoided
show examples
 wasting time, recently, including online
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
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, online services, and social media.
Furthermore
, healthcare has accessed
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the majority of
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
 the death rate and illness have decreased. To illustrate, traditional people
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not
access
Add a missing verb
have access
show examples
 to
drug
Fix the agreement mistake
drugs
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, indeed, there
was
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 not so
much
Change the quantifier
many
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 drugs, too,
nevertheless
, thanks to
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
, there are plenty of medicines, as do remedy methods.
Above all
,
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
show examples
 and security of financial and personal have noticeably skyrocketed. In the previous century, wars put people in danger,
nonetheless
, the number of wars remarkably has dropped by establishing
diversity
Replace the word
diverse
show examples
 organizations,
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 World
safety
Capitalize word
Safety
show examples
, health and
standard
Capitalize word
Standard
show examples
 organizations .
For
this
 reason,
life
 safety and mental health have been satisfied.
Moreover
, people have attended
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education more than before,
thus
,
literacy
Correct article usage
the literacy
show examples
 rate
have
Change the verb form
has
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 shot up.
Consequently
,
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 types of occupations have been created,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to financial promotion and economic stability. All in all,
according to
 the enhancement in educational attainment, transportation, physical and mental well-being, and
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 security, which are prosperous
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
 of standard
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
, the quality
lifestyle
Change preposition
of lifestyle
show examples
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
definitely improved.
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task achievement
You have addressed the task and developed your position, but the response would be enhanced by presenting a clearer introductory paragraph that explicitly states your opinion and previews the main points you will discuss. In future essays, aim to establish your thesis more clearly at the beginning.
task achievement
Your essay presents relevant ideas and examples, but they could be more developed and specific. Elaborating your points with more detailed evidence and examples will help improve your task response score.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat present, but transitions between some ideas are abrupt or missing. Improve coherence and cohesion by providing clear and logical transitions between points and by organizing your essay into well-structured paragraphs. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Though an introduction and conclusion are both present, making these sections explicit and clearly differentiated from the body paragraphs will improve clarity. Consider starting with a more engaging hook, clearly stating your thesis, and concluding with a summary that reinforces your main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure, which will enhance the overall clarity and coherence of your writing. Keep practicing your use of complex sentences and aim for variety in sentence structure to keep the reader engaged.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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