IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

New generations of video games on the internet, like Blox Fruit, make people become lazy. What are the effects? How can this be solved?

The rise of new-generation online video
games
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,
such
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 as Blox Fruit, has become increasingly popular among young people.
However
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, concerns have been raised that these
games
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 may contribute to laziness.
This
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 essay will discuss the effects of
such
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 behaviour and suggest possible solutions. One major effect of excessive gaming is a decline in physical activity. Spending long hours playing
games
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 online often means less time spent on exercise or outdoor activities, which can lead to health problems
such
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 as obesity, poor posture, and reduced fitness.
Additionally
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,
this
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 sedentary lifestyle may affect mental well-being, causing increased feelings of lethargy, lack of motivation, and even social isolation as players may prefer virtual interaction over real-life communication. Another consequence is the potential negative impact on productivity and academic or professional performance. When gaming becomes addictive, individuals might neglect their responsibilities, resulting in poorer grades or reduced work efficiency.
This
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 can harm their future prospects and
overall
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 quality of life. To address these issues, it is important to promote a balanced lifestyle. Parents and educators should encourage young people to allocate specific times for gaming and ensure they engage in physical activities regularly. Game developers could
also
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 contribute by incorporating features that remind players to take breaks and promote healthy gaming habits.
Furthermore
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, raising awareness about the risks of excessive gaming through public campaigns can help individuals make more informed choices. In conclusion,
while
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 new-generation online
games
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 like Blox Fruit offer entertainment and social connection, their overuse can lead to laziness and various negative effects. By fostering balance and responsible gaming, these problems can be effectively mitigated.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific health problems or studies related to gaming and health.
coherence
Make sure to use transition words to improve flow between ideas. Words like 'furthermore' and 'however' can help connect thoughts better.
task achievement
Consider adding a personal story or scenario in your writing to make it more engaging for readers.
coherence
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the main points effectively.
task achievement
The writing clearly identifies important effects of excessive gaming, making it easy to understand the main ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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