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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reasons for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Nowadays, there are some people, who prefer to spend their lives not far from their birthplaces. In
this
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 essay, I am going to consider the reasons for
this
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 phenomenon and explore its pros and cons. The causes of
this
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 trend are very different. The main of them is that there are a lot of poor people, who do not have any funds.
In other words
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, they cannot cover their basic needs.
Thus
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, they do not have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 possibility to travel and change
Use synonyms
place
Add an article
the place
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 of their residence. The second reason is that some individuals have
strong
Add an article
a strong
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 dependency
from
Change preposition
on
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 their relatives and friends.
For example
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, the older part of the family may help the young family to look after the children. If they leave their hometown, someone will have to stay with the children
instead
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 of work or hire a babysitter,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 adds additional expenses to their budget. There are some benefits
in
Change preposition
to
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 living in
one
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place
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. The most significant of them is that
while
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 staying in
one
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place
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, you do not need to waste time exploring new places, looking for new friends and adapting to new conditions
such
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 as different cuisines, languages,
neighbourhood
Fix the agreement mistake
neighbourhoods
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 or laws.
For example
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,
for
Change preposition
apply
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muslim
Change the capitalization
Muslim
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 women can be shocked by the ban on wearing traditional attire covering their faces in public places.
However
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, there are some drawbacks.
One
Use synonyms
 of them is that individuals can be limited in career opportunities in case their company headquarters are in another city.
As a result
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, they may be underpaid and miss certain benefits.
To conclude
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, the decision
of living
Change preposition
to live
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 in
one
Use synonyms
place
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 is caused by a scarcity of resources or by strong connections to their immediate family.
While
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 it has some advantages, likely not wasting time on discovering the new environment, it
also
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 has disadvantages
such
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 as slow career growth.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that there is a clear thesis statement at the end of the introduction. This helps to clarify your view and preview the ideas you will discuss.
Development & Support
Expand on your main points by providing more specific examples or data to support each argument, rather than stating them without proper elaboration.
Grammar & Sentence Variety
Try to vary your sentence structures and use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to create a more sophisticated and engaging narrative.
Linking & Cohesion
Work on linking sentences and paragraphs more smoothly with a variety of cohesive devices to improve the overall flow of the essay.
Task Achievement
Consider discussing more than two advantages and disadvantages to provide a more comprehensive analysis of the topic, thereby increasing the depth of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Familiarity
  • Comfort
  • Social ties
  • Family ties
  • Belonging
  • Resources
  • Opportunities
  • Fear
  • Unknown
  • Financial constraints
  • Cultural attachment
  • Language barriers
  • Limited education
  • Skills
What to do next:
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