IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

More and more people today are using computers and electronic devices to access information. Therefore there is no need to print books, magazines and newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #computers #devices #access #information #print #books #magazines #newspapers
Nowadays increasing
use
 of computers and electronic
devices
 get
information
.
For
this
 reason, no need to type books,
magazines
, and
newspapers
. I totally disagree with
this
. I will argue why I agree with
this
. On the one hand, these days
people
 are using computers or phones more and more increasing. because they are very busy with their lifestyle. they don'
t
 have enough time to the out buy
newspapers
 or
magazines
 and any books.
Therefore
, they used to watch everything for there are phones or computers.
For instance
, in
this
 day and age,
people
 are very knowledgeable. they have technological
knowledge
,
therefore
, they can watch the news or gossip on their phone or computer.
Secondly
, nowadays,
people
 live in a modern society.
As a result
, they don'
t
 like to
use
 old things like a locked
newspaper
. They can
use
 it more easily on their mobile phone. As an outcome,
people
 are more and more used to electronic
devices
 than
newspapers
.
On the other hand
, the previous generation didn'
t
 have any
knowledge
 of technology. Because previous education was not given that
knowledge
. they know about only reading
knowledge
.
As a result
, they were used to read the
newspaper
, magazine, and boos.
Therefore
, not enough electronic
devices
. Because old
people
 are even now getting
information
 from
newspapers
,
magazines
, and boos. but it will decrease in the future step by step. In conclusion,
this
 increasing
use
 of electronic
devices
 to get
information
 because
people
 are very knowledgeable about it. but old
people
 are still watching the
newspaper
 because they don'
t
 know that
knowledge
.
but
Capitalize word
But
show examples
 in the future, everyone
use
 electronic
devices
 to get
information
 and print books,
magazines
 or any
newspaper
.
Submitted by manushamanu1024 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction provides a clear stance on the topic and includes a thesis statement outlining the main arguments that will be discussed. This could improve both the logical structure and presence of the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a central idea supported by appropriate examples or explanations. This would enhance the coherence of your essay and provide better support for your main points.
task achievement
Expand on the ideas presented with relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points. General claims should be supported by more detailed evidence or illustrations.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your conclusion summarizes the arguments presented in the essay and reaffirms your stance on the topic, rather than introducing new ideas or elements.
general
Work on grammar and spelling to ensure the essay is easily understandable. Avoid run-on sentences and aim for clarity in the presentation of your ideas.
general
Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic ability and more effectively convey nuances in your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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