IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

A large copmany In your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children's sports team foe two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. it has asked for feedback from the general pubilc. Write a letter to the company.in your letter : - describe the benefites of sponsoring the sports team - summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts - say how you think the company should spend money

#copmany #area #amount #money #sponsor #children #sports #team #foe #two #years #concerts #feedback #pubilc #company #benefites #summarise
Dear
sir
Capitalize word
Sir
show examples
 or
madam
Capitalize word
Madam
show examples
, Thank you so much for
suporting
Correct your spelling
supporting
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our
area
 local
childend's
Change noun form
childend
show examples
 and
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 and donet your money and
open
Replace the word
opening
show examples
 two large
sport centre
Fix the agreement mistake
sports centres
show examples
 in our
area
. My name is Parth Patel and I am
Correct article usage
a couch
show examples
couch
Correct your spelling
coach
show examples
 in
this
 team.
This
 team is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 good
play
Add the particle
to play
show examples
 to cricket in our
area
 and your sponsoring and
played
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 their team in Ranjit
tropy
Correct your spelling
trophy
.
their
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is very
help
Replace the word
helpful
show examples
 to
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
children
 and
duild
Correct your spelling
builds
 new one opurchinity. They get her name for
herselfes
Correct your spelling
herself
. There are a
lost
Correct your spelling
lot
show examples
 of
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 to played
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 concerts. likes, your
companies
provied
Correct your spelling
provided
provide
their
children
's new shoes, T-shirt and your
companies
 logo track pants.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 you sponsored two years
Change preposition
of sponsores
show examples
sponsores
Correct your spelling
sponsors
sponsored
 for their
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
 and they gave a
lost
Correct your spelling
lot
show examples
 of
facelities
Correct your spelling
facilities
 and new
denafites
Correct your spelling
benefits
provied
Correct your spelling
provide
provided
your
Change preposition
by your
show examples
companies
.
Thus
, More people know your
comapanies
Correct your spelling
company's
companies
 name and
purched
Correct your spelling
purchased
 your products. There are Both said of
denifites
Correct your spelling
benefits
 to him,
children
's spend more time to play in your
companies
 t-shirt logos and many society and person contact your
companies
. Thank you
one
Correct your spelling
once
show examples
agein
Correct your spelling
again
to sponsor
Change preposition
for sponsoring
show examples
 and
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 your money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our local
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
 and
creatated
Correct your spelling
creating
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
Identiti
Correct your spelling
identity
 in our
area
.
Correct the word
Yours
show examples
Your
Correct your spelling
Yours
show examples
 faithfully, Parth Patel.
Submitted by Rachna Academy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The letter lacks a clear structure with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion. Organize the content into well-structured paragraphs.
single idea per paragraph
There are instances where the letter drifts from the topic. Make sure each paragraph supports the main purpose of the letter.
task achievement
Several key points are only briefly mentioned or ignored. Ensure all aspects of the task are addressed fully and developed appropriately.
task achievement
Use a suitable formal or semi-formal writing tone appropriate for a letter to a company.
greeting and closing
Make sure to include greetings and sign-off appropriately for letters to ensure a proper opening and closing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: