The chart below shows numbers of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bar graph depicts how many adults participated in different major sports in one area between 1997 and 2017.

Overall

Linking Words

, the most dominant participation was gentle walking for each

years

Change to a singular noun

year

show examples

However

Linking Words

, basketball and cricket had the lowest numbers of

participants

Use synonyms

in 1997 and 2017 respectively. In 1997, 50,000 adults participated

gentle

Change preposition

in gentle

show examples

walking, demonstrating the highest number of participation. The numbers of adult

participants

Use synonyms

in jogging, gym, football and hiking

were

Unnecessary verb

apply

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varied between around 33,000 and about 36,000 in 1997.

While

Linking Words

basketball had the lowest participation with just under 10,000 adult

participants

Use synonyms

, the figure for cricket was roughly 28,000. After two decades, the number of adults participating

gentle

Change preposition

in gentle

show examples

walking increased by around 5,000

participants

Use synonyms

, protecting its domination.

While

Linking Words

the

numbers

Fix the agreement mistake

number

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of adult

participants

Use synonyms

in football and hiking increased

noticeable

Change the adjective

noticeably

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by approximately 15,000 people, the figure for gym stayed relatively constant at the previous level. Basketball

participants

Use synonyms

nearly tripled by 2017,

however

Linking Words

, cricket

participants

Use synonyms

decreased dramatically

under

Change preposition

to under

show examples

10,000

participants

Use synonyms

at the end

Linking Words

of 2017.

Submitted by historicalpen on Tue Jan 23 2024

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words participants with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 5 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.

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4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

162 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

participation rates
adult demographic
comparison
percent change
significant increase/decrease
trend analysis
sports popularity
ranking changes
general patterns
social factors
20-year period
time span
major sports
data interpretation
highlight features

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The chart below shows numbers of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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