IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing, or medicine. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.

#world #animals #food #medicine
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Some argue that
animals
 are no longer necessary for the provision of
food
, clothing, or medicine. I agree with
this
 statement to some extent
due to
 various reasons. One of the main reasons is the advancement in modern technology. The modern revolution in science has made everything possible for human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
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. Technology is slowly taking over every aspect of life from
food
, agriculture, clothing
industry
 to medicine. pharmaceutical
industry
 and everything else.
Nevertheless
,
plant- based
Correct your spelling
plant-based
show examples
 foods are slowly replacing
animals
 in every area of life.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
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animals
 were always considered essential for providing
food
 like dairy
products
 and protein to mankind,
replacement
Correct article usage
the replacement
show examples
 of dairy items with soy milk,
nut based
Add a hyphen
nut-based
show examples
 milk and
plant based
Add a hyphen
plant-based
show examples
food
 is surely a game changer for us.
For instance
, Technology has
also
 brought a revolution in
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
industry
 after the invention of vaccines.
Clothing
Add an article
The clothing
show examples
industry
 is still dependent on animal
products
 but
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 invention of synthetic materials is slowly replacing animal-based
products
.
On the other hand
, we can not deny the fact that
animal based
Add a hyphen
animal-based
show examples
products
 are better than
machine based
Add a hyphen
machine-based
show examples
products
. There is no doubt that synthetic material is
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 affordable option than
animal based
Add a hyphen
animal-based
show examples
 clothing,but the high quality of fabric which
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 from an animal cannot be achieved by synthetic material. In the same way, the taste and textures of animal
products
 are different from vegetarian dishes. In conclusion, I believe that undoubtedly, modern research is making a way for a future where
animals
 will no longer be a necessity
due to
 the fact that they are replaceable by plant-based items. Because animal
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 are expensive, people are slowly moving towards their alternatives.
Submitted by sb101tahirgul on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that you maintain a clear and logical structure throughout your essay by organizing your ideas into well-developed paragraphs, each with a clear main point. Use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas within and across paragraphs.
task achievement
Develop your ideas thoroughly by expanding on each main point with more detailed explanations, examples, and justifications. Aim for a balance between discussing all components of the question (food, clothing, medicine) equally.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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