IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the performance of a bus company in terms of punctuality, both actual and target (what actually happened compared to what the company was trying to achieve), and the number of complaints and passengers.

The charts below show the performance of a bus company in terms of punctuality, both actual and target (what actually happened compared to what the company was trying to achieve), and the number of complaints and passengers.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
bar chart illustrates the punctuality of the bus
company
Use synonyms
 with both actual and targeted services and the number of
complaints
Use synonyms
 per thousand passenger journey between the years 1999 to 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
company
Use synonyms
 only achieved their target in 2003 in the span of half
decade
Correct article usage
a decade
show examples
,
although
Linking Words
 its graph for
complaints
Use synonyms
 is increasing continuously.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1999
business
Correct article usage
the business
show examples
 achieved 85% of services arriving on time but their goal was 86% and they had
complaints
Use synonyms
 of 70K passengers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2000 they targeted the same 86% but they only reached 82% with the
complaints
Use synonyms
 100K. In the next two years 2001 and 2002
Use synonyms
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 targeted 85% of services arriving on time but they
fail
Wrong verb form
failed
show examples
 and only got 84.5 and 84%
while
Linking Words
 in 2001
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of
complaints
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 81 and 105 per thousand passengers.
Lastly
Linking Words
 in 2003
finally
Linking Words
 the
company
Use synonyms
 crossed their target of 84.5 % to 84.9% but the
complaints
Use synonyms
 remained increasing and it reached 120 per thousand passengers journeys.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words company, complaints with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • punctuality
  • target versus actual performance
  • correlation
  • consistency
  • trends
  • passenger numbers
  • complaints
  • assessment
  • measures taken
  • impact
  • effectiveness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: