Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

In our contemporary society, some public are of the view that the
government
is wasting money on the arts and that these fundings could be better spent in other aspects. I support
this
statement and will discuss the reasons behind. On one hand, it is undeniable that
art
plays an important role in our daily lives. It represents and symbolises creativity, culture and thinking. Some governments would spend billions to build
art
galleries and
art
centres.
This
is to preserve arts,
as well as
to attract tourists.
Nevertheless
, the glamorous-looking
art
gallaries
Correct your spelling
galleries
and
art
centres often attract very few tourists, as compared to museums or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other iconic buildings.
Therefore
, I think the
government
should not spend extensive
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
of financial budgets on
art
.
This
is because those fundings should be better used in more pressing and urgent social issues
such
as
healthcare
and
education
. After
Covid-19
Correct article usage
the Covid-19
show examples
pandemic, many countries started to realise the problem with their own
healthcare
system.
For example
, some countries are facing issues like
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of medical
team
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teams
show examples
, hospital beds or advanced
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
. These are the aspects which the
government
should prioritise. They could build more hospitals, purchase the most advanced
healthcare
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
, subsidise vaccines to the public and fund more
researches
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research
show examples
on critical illness. In term of
education
, the issue that some countries is facing now are that the poor does not have access to the higher
education
. The
government
should prioritise
this
problem as well because the next generations are the hope of the country. The
highter
Correct your spelling
higher
education
one can receive, the better job prospects and life goals one can achieve. In conclusion, I agree with the statement that the
government
should focus their findings and budgets on the more pressing social issues like
education
and
healthcare
system.
Perservation
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Preservation
of
art work
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artwork
show examples
can still be done but not spending billions on
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
.
Submitted by michellehoon0924 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Develop your main points with more extensive supporting detail. This includes providing specific examples that effectively back up your viewpoint, which will strengthen the coherence of the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clearer logical structure by using a wider range of cohesive devices and transitioning smoothly between ideas. Try to link sentences and paragraphs more explicitly.
Task Achievement
Address the task more completely by exploring both sides of the argument, even if you are taking a clear stance. Acknowledge possible counterarguments and refute them to provide a more rounded response.
Task Achievement
Enhance clarity by offering more comprehensive explanations of your ideas. This may involve breaking down complex thoughts into simpler terms or providing more elaboration.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
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