Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

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In our contemporary society, some public are of the view that the
government
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is wasting money on the arts and that these fundings could be better spent in other aspects. I support
this
Linking Words

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statement and will discuss the reasons behind. On one hand, it is undeniable that
art
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plays an important role in our daily lives. It represents and symbolises creativity, culture and thinking. Some governments would spend billions to build
art
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galleries and
art
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centres.
This
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is to preserve arts,
as well as
Linking Words

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to attract tourists.
Nevertheless
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, the glamorous-looking
art
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gallaries
Correct your spelling
galleries

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and
art
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centres often attract very few tourists, as compared to museums or
the
Correct article usage
apply

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other iconic buildings.
Therefore
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, I think the
government
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should not spend extensive
amount
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amounts

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of financial budgets on
art
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.
This
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is because those fundings should be better used in more pressing and urgent social issues
such
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as
healthcare
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and
education
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. After
Covid-19
Correct article usage
the Covid-19

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pandemic, many countries started to realise the problem with their own
healthcare
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system.
For example
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, some countries are facing issues like
lack
Correct article usage
a lack

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of medical
team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams

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, hospital beds or advanced
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment

It appears that equipments is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural. Consider changing the noun.

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. These are the aspects which the
government
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should prioritise. They could build more hospitals, purchase the most advanced
healthcare
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equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment

It appears that equipments is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural. Consider changing the noun.

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, subsidise vaccines to the public and fund more
researches
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research

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on critical illness. In term of
education
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, the issue that some countries is facing now are that the poor does not have access to the higher
education
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. The
government
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should prioritise
this
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problem as well because the next generations are the hope of the country. The
highter
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higher

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education
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one can receive, the better job prospects and life goals one can achieve. In conclusion, I agree with the statement that the
government
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should focus their findings and budgets on the more pressing social issues like
education
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and
healthcare
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system.
Perservation
Correct your spelling
Preservation

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of
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art work
Correct your spelling
artwork

The word art work seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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can still be done but not spending billions on
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art

It seems that arts may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
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Coherence & Cohesion
Develop your main points with more extensive supporting detail. This includes providing specific examples that effectively back up your viewpoint, which will strengthen the coherence of the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clearer logical structure by using a wider range of cohesive devices and transitioning smoothly between ideas. Try to link sentences and paragraphs more explicitly.
Task Achievement
Address the task more completely by exploring both sides of the argument, even if you are taking a clear stance. Acknowledge possible counterarguments and refute them to provide a more rounded response.
Task Achievement
Enhance clarity by offering more comprehensive explanations of your ideas. This may involve breaking down complex thoughts into simpler terms or providing more elaboration.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
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