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Writing Samples
Band 7

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work
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Many people argue that teenagers should be less overloaded by removing unnecessary academic
subjects
such
 as physical education and cookery in order to focus on more beneficial
courses
. In my perspective, I firmly agree with
this
 suggestion as it could provide them with several opportunities for other activities.
This
 essay will discuss the merits of removing unwanted topics for teenagers. First and foremost, reducing the amount of spending on unnecessary
courses
 might assist students to achieve higher marks in other more interesting
subjects
.
For example
, students who favour science
courses
 like mathematics or biology tend to perform better which will increase their
overall
 knowledge.
Therefore
,
pupils
 will be more motivated when they conduct what they like.
In addition
,
pupils
 might be encouraged to volunteer in programs once they have the freedom of time.
For instance
, helping a charity with their daily work or working in a library to help other students. So, these activities are affirmative experiences to apply for a job.
Moreover
, the minimising of unfavored academic
courses
 might increase their soft skills
such
 as creativity and critical thinking which are essential in
this
 modern era. As an example, creativity is a type of soft skill which is highly desirable in business, which is about finding a new solution or a resolution of something to a higher quality and satisfying requirements in a perfect manner.
Hence
,
pupils
 who know these soft skills could be easily accepted in a job. Ultimately, the reduction of unnecessary
subjects
 could positively impress
pupils
 to focus more on other benefits for either their career or their knowledge. I would recommend academic administrators look for the advantages of omitting unnecessary
subjects
.
Submitted by iimux771 on

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Task Achievement
Focus on fully addressing all parts of the task and include a balanced consideration of both sides of the argument. Ensure the conclusion is clear and summarizes your viewpoint and the key reasons.
Coherence and Cohesion
Include a wider range of connecting words and phrases to create a coherent flow of ideas throughout the essay. Also, ensure logical ordering of paragraphs and maintain topic coherence within each paragraph.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
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