IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

#technology #people #viewpoints
It is argued that cutting-edge
technologies
 have the potential to separate
people
.
In contrast
, others agree these
technologies
 could link them with other
people
 in a straightforward way.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my personal perspective, I fully agree with these
technologies
 which have the power to retouch with
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
other
people
 easily. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both of these sides. Undeniably, with the evolution of
digitalisation
Add a comma
digitalisation,
show examples
people
 become more
reliable
Replace the word
reliant
show examples
 on electronic
devices
 to contact other
people
.
For example
, a mobile phone is mainly used to communicate with another person, despite the location.
Secondly
, the technology of the internet has a positive effect on the whole
society
Change preposition
of society
show examples
 to be able to do a video or a live call for free as long as they have
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
accessibility to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Wi-Fi. WhatsApp is considered one of the most used applications around the globe, for instant messaging and a live call. These
technologies
 help a huge number of
people
 to contact other
people
 with less effort.
On the other hand
, digital
devices
 might lead to unpleasant consequences unless it is used in a proper way.
For instance
, social media applications
such
 as
SnapChat
Correct your spelling
Snapchat
, Instagram and Twitter, could make
people
 spend a lot of time on these applications. without noticing the time,
therefore
 it could waste a lot of time.
In addition
, nowadays numerous young
people
 rely on virtual games in lieu of physical games which increases the chance of Autism for young
people
. Ultimately, advanced
technologies
 are a controversial topic, which
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a lot of merits only if they are used in the right way to get the full benefits of digital
devices
.
Also
, I mentioned why other
people
 think these smart
devices
 could
lead to
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a negative impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by iimux771 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the structure of your essay is clear by improving the logical flow between paragraphs. Use transition words effectively to guide the reader between points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure that your conclusion summarises the main points discussed and clearly states your opinion.
Task Achievement
Each main point should be developed with clear explanations and more specific examples. Avoid making generic statements without backing them up with detailed support.
Task Achievement
Expand on your ideas to show a comprehensive understanding of the topic. As part of Task Achievement, your ideas should be fully fleshed out and articulated in a manner that displays depth of analysis.
Task Achievement
To increase the relevance and impact of your examples, provide specific instances or case studies that support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and demonstrate an understanding of real-world implications.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
What to do next:
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