The only way to improve safety on our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offences. What extent do you agree or disagree?

#safety #roads #punishments #offences

Today

road

accidents

are increasing

due to

careless driving or disobeying

rules

imposed by governments.Some argue that implementing strict

punishments

and imprisonments will be the only way to reduce

offences

commited

Correct your spelling

committed

by drivers.I disagree about

this

phenomenon even if imposing

punishments

for driving

offences

can act as a better solution for

offences

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

other alternatives may

also

be implemented to

adress

Correct your spelling

address

this

issue effectively.

Firstly

, imposing rigid

rules

on driving

offences

would reduce

accidents

on roads.In fact, it can be noticeable that many

accidents

cause

Verb problem

are

show examples

due

Change preposition

show examples

careless and drunk driving

wheareas

Correct your spelling

where

many pedestrians

will

Verb problem

apply

show examples

suffer serious damages sometimes lead deaths.

Therefore

, imposing

srtict

Correct your spelling

strict

punishments

would curb

such

offences

such

as imposing high fines and imprisonments for drivers.

For example

, Norway is the country

who

Correct pronoun usage

that

show examples

has the most strict

punishments

for

such

offences

and

whom

Change the pronoun

who

show examples

has the lowest death rates based on

road

accidents

On the other hand

its

Correct your spelling

it's

show examples

obvious that

stict

Correct your spelling

strict

rules

can curb the situation, but it would not be the only method to improve

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

safety

.Governments can improve awareness programs to keep people informed about

rules

that need to be followed on the

road

In contrast

, governments can start

awreness

Correct your spelling

awareness

programs in schools and urbanised cities as it would help students and

general

Add an article

the general

show examples

public to learn

road

rules

and

consequences

Correct article usage

the consequences

show examples

commiting

Correct your spelling

committing

offences

However

Correct article usage

the aforemnetioned

show examples

aforemnetioned

Correct your spelling

aforementioned

activities will

also

enhance

road

safety

. In conclusion,

Although

strict

punishmnets

Correct your spelling

punishments

punishment

like high fines and imprisonment would improve

road

safety

, it would not be the only solution for

address

Wrong verb form

addressing

show examples

this

effectively.

Politician

Fix the agreement mistake

Politicians

show examples

and media

coverages

Fix the agreement mistake

coverage

show examples

should

also

come into practice to aware children and

general

Add an article

the general

show examples

public about

road

safety

Submitted by Praslah on Tue Jan 23 2024

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coherence cohesion

To improve logical structure, ensure that your essay has clear, distinct paragraphs, each with a single main idea. Connect your ideas with appropriate linking words and phrases to enhance flow and readability.

coherence cohesion

Include both an introduction and a conclusion to frame your essay. The introduction should paraphrase the question and present your thesis statement, while the conclusion should effectively summarize your main points without introducing new information.

coherence cohesion

Support your main points with specific, relevant examples. While you included a reference to Norway's strict punishments and low accident rates, further development of this example and inclusion of additional evidence could strengthen your argument.

task achievement

Ensure you fully address the task by thoroughly exploring the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement. Discuss the other side of the argument to a sufficient extent and make your position clear throughout the essay.

task achievement

Present ideas in a clear and comprehensive manner by expanding on them with explanations and examples. Develop your paragraphs fully so that your ideas are fleshed out and clearly articulated.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

263 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The only way to improve safety on our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offences. What extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since computer technology can replace their functions. Do you agree or disagree?