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Band 4

The planet's population is reaching unsustainable levels, and people are facing shortage of resources like water, food and fuel. To what consequences may overpopulation lead? In your opinion, what measures can be taken to fight overpopulation?

#planet #population #levels #people #shortage #resources #water #food #fuel #consequences #overpopulation #measures #fight
The human
population
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 growing
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a fast pace over the
last
years
Correct quantifier usage
few years
show examples
.
This
 can generate a lot of bad consequences.
This
 essay will discuss and analyse
possible
Correct article usage
the possible
show examples
 consequences of
overpopulation
 and draw some measures that can be taken to resolve
this
 problem.
Firstly
,
overpopulating
Replace the word
overpopulation
show examples
 can reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
natural resources and
rase
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence
levels
. As the
population
 grows is natural that humans
starts
Change the verb form
start
show examples
 to explore more and more the natural resources.
For example
, Amazon's forest has been suffering a lot
Change preposition
of destruition
show examples
destruition
Correct your spelling
destruction
 because of the exploration of its
resourses
Correct your spelling
resources
 over the
last
years
Correct quantifier usage
few years
show examples
.
Overmore
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, the concentration of people
generaly
Correct your spelling
generally
 leads to higher
levels
 of
violence
, because of
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
 inequality that
this
 situation
promoves
Correct your spelling
promotes
. For
instace
Correct your spelling
instance
, is common to see higher
levels
 of
violence
 in big urban
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 that
concentrates
Change the verb form
concentrate
show examples
 a big
population
.
Thus
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 important to prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
overpopulation
. In regard to
this
, there are some possible
mesures
Correct your spelling
measures
 that can be taken to fight
this
 movement.
Firstly
, it is important to
garantee
Correct your spelling
guarantee
 that the
population
 have access to contraceptive methods,
thus
 they can
evitate
Correct your spelling
levitate
 to have non desired
pregnaces
Correct your spelling
pregnancies
pregnancy
.
For example
, the government can distribute
condons
Correct your spelling
condoms
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 public transportation.
Secondly
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
also
 important to
garantee
Correct your spelling
guarantee
 that people
knows
Change the verb form
know
show examples
 the bad consequences of
overpopulation
. For
this
, can
be make
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 some
awerness
Correct your spelling
awareness
campaings
Correct your spelling
campaigns
campaign
 about the subject,
for example
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can do
TV
Correct article usage
a TV
show examples
advertisiment
Correct your spelling
advertising
 showing the problems generated by the higher
levels
 of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 and how to prevent
this
. To
summurise
Correct your spelling
summarise
summarize
,
overpopulation
 is an important problem that can lead us to
reduction
Add an article
the reduction
a reduction
show examples
 of natural resources and higher
levels
 of
violence
, but it
also
 can be
fighted
Correct your spelling
fought
show examples
 with some
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
mesuares
Correct your spelling
measures
 like
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
campaings
Correct your spelling
campaigns
campaign
.
Submitted by danielejaegger on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay attempted to address the prompt, but it could be improved by ensuring that the introduction more clearly outlines the topics to be discussed. In addition, aim for a clear, logical progression of ideas, with each paragraph focusing on one main idea supported by appropriate examples.
Task Achievement
Expand on the specific examples provided, ensuring they directly relate to the topic and provide depth to your argument. Include more varied sentence structures to add clarity and interest to your discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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