IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays some high-school graduates travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to study at university. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#high-school #graduates #travel #work #period #time #study #university #outweigh
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Taking a
gap
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
 after
graduate
Wrong verb form
graduating
show examples
 from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high school has been becoming increasingly popular in recent years.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
 may expand
teenager's
Change noun form
teenagers'
show examples
horizon
Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
show examples
,
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 impacts of
this
Linking Words
 trend outweigh the positive effects, since students may lose their academic momentum,
moreover
Linking Words
 waste their
money
Use synonyms
. One of the reasons why youngsters may be affected badly is being far away from education may distract their focus. Young adults tend to travel or work during
gap
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 in order to broaden their horizons;
however
Linking Words
, as they quit to study, they are likely to forget the requirements of being a successful student, including working long hours.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if they prefer to work over the
gap
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
, they
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to earn
money
Use synonyms
 for their effort,
unfortunately
Add the comma(s)
unfortunately,
show examples
 their focus on studying may be distracted by earning
money
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 approach, studying math or chemistry as a student may seem meaningless, it is because they do not earn
money
Use synonyms
 by learning a math formula.
Therefore
Linking Words
, high-school graduates would not be eager to turn back to college after a
gap
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
, since they lose their study
disciple
Correct your spelling
discipline
show examples
, and are distracted during a
Use synonyms
year-off
Correct your spelling
year off
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a
year
Use synonyms
, which is spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 may put
strain
Add an article
a strain
show examples
 on
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 budget. The importance of touching new cultures by travelling is undeniable,
whereas
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 process would be overpriced for some. To clarify, flight tickets,
accomodations
Correct your spelling
accommodation
accommodations
 costs, and other expenses related to
journey
Correct article usage
the journey
show examples
 may affect people's budget, considering they do not have
salary
Add an article
a salary
show examples
, their parents may face some difficulties in affording their expenditures.
For example
Linking Words
, the cost of
one-
Correct your spelling
one year
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 travel across the continent of Europe almost doubled the price of
one-
Correct article usage
a one-year
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 university education. Spending their saving on
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 would seem wasting to low-income families.
In other words
Linking Words
, pupils may benefit from their parent's saving by spending on their education,
instead
Linking Words
 of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, taking a
gap
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
 may develop
Correct article usage
an adolescant's
show examples
adolescant's
Correct your spelling
adolescent's
adolescents
 perspectives by
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
, and learning
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 process may result in a
lose
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 of academic momentum, and
also
Linking Words
 wasting their parent's
saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
show examples
.
Desicion
Correct your spelling
Decision
 of whether
taking
Change the verb form
to take
show examples
 a
Use synonyms
year-off
Correct your spelling
year off
show examples
 should be evaluated
according to
Linking Words
pupil's
Correct article usage
the pupil's
show examples
 own circumstances and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
financial status.
Submitted by ilaydailday on

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structure
Ensure that you have a clear introduction stating the topic and your opinion, followed by body paragraphs that each cover a single main idea with appropriate supporting details, and a conclusion that summarizes the discussion and restates your stance. Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion.
cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and using cohesive devices effectively to link ideas not only within paragraphs but also between them. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
development
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Examples help to illustrate your points and make them more convincing. Remember to tie the examples directly back to the question prompt.
task response
Make sure to answer all parts of the prompt thoroughly. In this case, discuss some clear advantages to balance your argument, ensuring that the essay addresses whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or not.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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