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Band 5

Nowadays some high-school graduates travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to study at university. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#high-school #graduates #travel #work #period #time #study #university #outweigh
Taking a
gap
year
 after
graduate
Wrong verb form
graduating
show examples
 from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high school has been becoming increasingly popular in recent years.
While
this
year
 may expand
teenager's
Change noun form
teenagers'
show examples
horizon
Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
show examples
,
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 impacts of
this
 trend outweigh the positive effects, since students may lose their academic momentum,
moreover
 waste their
money
. One of the reasons why youngsters may be affected badly is being far away from education may distract their focus. Young adults tend to travel or work during
gap
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 in order to broaden their horizons;
however
, as they quit to study, they are likely to forget the requirements of being a successful student, including working long hours.
Furthermore
, if they prefer to work over the
gap
year
, they
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to earn
money
 for their effort,
unfortunately
Add the comma(s)
unfortunately,
show examples
 their focus on studying may be distracted by earning
money
.
As a result
 of
this
 approach, studying math or chemistry as a student may seem meaningless, it is because they do not earn
money
 by learning a math formula.
Therefore
, high-school graduates would not be eager to turn back to college after a
gap
year
, since they lose their study
disciple
Correct your spelling
discipline
show examples
, and are distracted during a
year-off
Correct your spelling
year off
show examples
.
On the other hand
, a
year
, which is spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 may put
strain
Add an article
a strain
show examples
 on
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 budget. The importance of touching new cultures by travelling is undeniable,
whereas
this
 process would be overpriced for some. To clarify, flight tickets,
accomodations
Correct your spelling
accommodation
accommodations
 costs, and other expenses related to
journey
Correct article usage
the journey
show examples
 may affect people's budget, considering they do not have
salary
Add an article
a salary
show examples
, their parents may face some difficulties in affording their expenditures.
For example
, the cost of
one-
Correct your spelling
one year
show examples
year
 travel across the continent of Europe almost doubled the price of
one-
Correct article usage
a one-year
show examples
year
 university education. Spending their saving on
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 would seem wasting to low-income families.
In other words
, pupils may benefit from their parent's saving by spending on their education,
instead
 of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
.
To conclude
, taking a
gap
year
 may develop
Correct article usage
an adolescant's
show examples
adolescant's
Correct your spelling
adolescent's
adolescents
 perspectives by
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
, and learning
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
.
However
,
this
 process may result in a
lose
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 of academic momentum, and
also
 wasting their parent's
saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
show examples
.
Desicion
Correct your spelling
Decision
 of whether
taking
Change the verb form
to take
show examples
 a
year-off
Correct your spelling
year off
show examples
 should be evaluated
according to
pupil's
Correct article usage
the pupil's
show examples
 own circumstances and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
financial status.
Submitted by ilaydailday on

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structure
Ensure that you have a clear introduction stating the topic and your opinion, followed by body paragraphs that each cover a single main idea with appropriate supporting details, and a conclusion that summarizes the discussion and restates your stance. Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion.
cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and using cohesive devices effectively to link ideas not only within paragraphs but also between them. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
development
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Examples help to illustrate your points and make them more convincing. Remember to tie the examples directly back to the question prompt.
task response
Make sure to answer all parts of the prompt thoroughly. In this case, discuss some clear advantages to balance your argument, ensuring that the essay addresses whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or not.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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