IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
Have you ever taken
medicine
 without your
doctor
's advice? A vast majority of ill adults are alleged to take
self treatments
Add a hyphen
self-treatments
show examples
 rather than visit a
doctor
.
However
,
this
 action can be quite dangerous and may be considered a negative approach. I, personally find it negative.
People
 suffering from diverse diseases consume
medicine
 without their
doctors
Change to a genitive case
doctor's
doctors'
show examples
 advice,
may
Correct pronoun usage
which may
show examples
 be a positive approach in some aspects.
This
 is largely
due to
, Getting an appointment
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
Correct article usage
a doctors
show examples
doctors
Fix the agreement mistake
doctor
show examples
 might take plenty of
time
 , whereby less
time
 is wasted if ill individuals rely on different medicines at home. You need only look at Canada, to see how much
time
 it takes for
people
 to make a
doctor
Change noun form
doctor's
show examples
 appointment.
Also
, the cost of visiting
doctors
 is extensive and
individulas
Correct your spelling
individuals
 can save a lot of money by skipping them and trying different
drugs
 to cure their health issues. Just consider thousands of sick
people
, who have taken alternative
drugs
 to cure themselves.
On the other hand
, consuming
drugs
 without
doctors
' permission may have many side effects. Each
medicine
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 its specific function that only
proffesional
Correct your spelling
professional
people
such
 as
doctores
Correct your spelling
doctors
 are
awre
Correct your spelling
aware
 of.
For instance
, some
drugs
 in spite of being functional are
high-risked
Correct your spelling
high-risk
show examples
, which means they are only allowed to be consumed under certain circumstances.
What
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
this
 often leads to bringing up more serious
helth
Correct your spelling
health
 problems for consumers. In conclusion,
Although
 taking
medicine
 without asking experts may save a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
time
 and money, it can create so many health problems for ordinary
people
.
Therefore
 it is vital that ill
people
 visit their usual
doctor
 to check their health and be given proper remedies. I, strongly believe that taking diverse
drugs
 without
doctors
' suggestion is a negative development.
Submitted by Arman on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Maintain a clear position throughout the response, ensuring that your opinion is consistently aligned with the arguments you present. Avoid contradictions or ambiguity in your stance on the topic.
task achievement
Develop your main points by elaborating on your arguments, offering more detailed explanations and relevant examples that support your viewpoint.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to manage the organization of your ideas more effectively, ensuring that your writing flows logically from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure, which will enhance the clarity and precision of your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: