IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Successful sports professional can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#sports #money #people #professions
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Professional
athletes
Use synonyms
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lucrative
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 across the
world
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that they deserve their
income
Use synonyms
, others argue that they are able to earn more than they deserve. I, personally
share
Capitalize word
Share
show examples
 the same page
between
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the second group.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain both sides, and highlight there are many employees like doctors
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and scientists
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 should have higher
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
 than
sportsmen
Use synonyms
 since their occuoancies
more
Correct your spelling
are
show examples
 essential for humankind's
survive
Replace the word
survival
show examples
. The proponents of
sportsmen
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
deserve their luxurious
lifesytles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
lifestyle
argue
Correct word choice
and argue
show examples
 that these professionals support their
countries
Use synonyms
'
reputation
Fix the agreement mistake
reputations
show examples
 globally, and in
this
Linking Words
 way participate
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
value in their
Use synonyms
countries
Change noun form
country's
countries'
show examples
appearence
Correct your spelling
appearance
.
For instance
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, The Olympics are accepted
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 many individuals as an essential organization, which provides a tranquil atmosphere to various
countries
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. Thanks to the
Olypmics
Correct your spelling
Olympics
countries
Use synonyms
 can learn
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
 customs, which is crucial to promote
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of unity across the
world
Use synonyms
. But, another remarkable impact of
this
Linking Words
 organization is supporting tourism. To clarify, the host country's tourism peaks at that year, since the organization attracts
people
Use synonyms
's attention.
To sum up
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, considering the positive impacts of boosted tourism,
athletes
Use synonyms
 are likely to support the
income
Use synonyms
 of their country if they win. For that reason, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that professional
athletes
Use synonyms
 deserve their lucrative salaries.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 argue that their wages are
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 high considering their job. There are many
footbal
Correct your spelling
football
player
Change to a plural noun
players
show examples
 across the globe, who show off their luxury cars, and overpriced
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
. Despite
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 only focus on
play
Change the verb form
playing
show examples
 a game, football, they are able to earn more than numerous men and women.
This
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 group
argue
Change the form of the verb
argued
show examples
 that
these astronomical
Change the determiner
this astronomical income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
 should be restricted and
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
canalized to more crucial alternatives
such
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 as medicine, or
researching
Change the form of the verb
research
show examples
.
According to
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 these
crowd
Fix the agreement mistake
crowds
show examples
, the
world
Use synonyms
 has limited
money
Use synonyms
, and
this
Linking Words
 solid foundation should be spent on
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
prioritizing the importance of
subject
Add an article
the subject
show examples
.
In other words
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,
instead
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 of paying considerable salaries to
sportsmen
Use synonyms
, their wages should be restricted, and that amount of
money
Use synonyms
 should canalized to more vital job fields like medicine or
laws
Fix the agreement mistake
law
show examples
.
Therefore
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,
higher
Add an article
a higher
the higher
show examples
 number of
people
Use synonyms
 may
benefitted
Change the verb form
benefit
be benefitted
show examples
 from the sources of the
world
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, I personally share the same page with those
people
Use synonyms
, who argue professional
athletes
Use synonyms
'
income
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 too high. As our
world
Use synonyms
 has a large number of problems like fatal diseases like AIDS or cancer, and
also
Linking Words
 global issues like global warming, the budget of our
world
Use synonyms
 should
spend
Wrong verb form
be spent
show examples
 on solving these troubles. With that perspective,
instead
Linking Words
 of paying huge
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
 to
sportsmen
Use synonyms
,
money
Use synonyms
 should
invest
Wrong verb form
be invested
show examples
 in scientific research in order to improve
people
Use synonyms
's quality of life.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 argue professional
athletes
Use synonyms
 deserve their assertive
income
Use synonyms
,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 find
this
Linking Words
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of
money
Use synonyms
 too high. I completely agree with the second belief
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and advocate that
sportsmen
Use synonyms
's wages are more than they deserve.
Submitted by ilaydailday on

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Introduction
Make sure your introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument and includes a thesis statement that outlines your own opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Organize your ideas logically, with clear paragraphs for each point. Use cohesive devices appropriately to link your ideas.
Task Achievement
Elaborate your main points with relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. Avoid general statements and provide detailed evidence when possible.
Conclusion
In the conclusion, reiterate your thesis and summarise the main points of your argument. Ensure your final stance is clear and directly addresses the prompt.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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