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The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on healthcare system in an effort to deal with the health issue involved. Some people think the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical educational lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #healthcare #system #effort #health #lessons #school #curriculum
The quality of healthcare services provided by the government and the effectiveness of health-related budgeting expenses
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 always been a topic for
agruments
Correct your spelling
arguments
argument
. These discussions grow louder as the number of overweight people is increasingly growing.
While
 negatively impacting
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 health, it is
also
 putting a strain on the whole healthcare system. Adding more physical educational
lessons
 in schools may be one way to reduce the severity of the problem.
Overall
, it is a good idea to invest
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the younger generation. Introducing more
lessons
 which influence
physical
Correct article usage
the physical
show examples
 development of pupils may have a positive effect not only in the immediate future
,
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apply
show examples
 but
years
Rephrase
also years
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 after it had been implemented in schools.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that after graduating young people often continue doing sports even in the absence of formal
lessons
.
On the other hand
, adding more physical education
lessons
 might increase the stress on children. With tight schedules and a range of
out of school
Add a hyphen
out-of-school
show examples
 activities that many pupils
attend
Add a comma
attend,
show examples
 they have less and less time to recover and prepare for
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 day. Constant lack of free personal time and decreased productivity in academic subjects may be the price to pay for extra
lessons
.
Also
 one should consider that the bulk of
overweight
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the overweight
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 population consists of adults over 30 years old. And so to tackle the problem of limited
healthare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
health are
 budgets, government efforts should mainly focus on stimulating sports and fitness
activitites
Correct your spelling
activities
 within
this
 other large slice of
population
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the population
show examples
.
To sum up
, I believe that increasing the number of physical education
lessons
 has more drawbacks than advantages. With limited
budgets
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budgets,
show examples
 I am sure that the primary approach to having a healthy population is investing in
sport
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sports
show examples
 activities for adults.
Submitted by fednastya000 on

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task achievement
Ensure you have a clear stance that addresses the question throughout your essay. Your introduction should clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the statement.
task achievement
Develop your main points with specific examples and details to support your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use logical connectors and transition words to link your ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea, and avoid introducing new points in your conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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