In some countries, parents who hit or otherwise punish children physically can be arrested and punished themselves. What is your opinion?

#countries #parents #children

In a number of countries, hitting or making other punishments

parents

Change preposition

for parents

show examples

towards their

children

can be detained and disciplined themselves. I wholeheartedly believe that

such

actions on their

their

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

part must be stopped at the root. In

this

essay, I am going to explain my point of

viewing

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view

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by spotlighting

most

Correct article usage

the most

show examples

essential aspects and bringing some examples. One of the most crucial points is the psychological effect that could

such

behaviour have on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

youngsters in their future

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

For example

, persons, who have been subjected to domestic violence, become unconfident, and they are unable to make

right

Correct article usage

the right

show examples

decisions in their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

In addition

, they

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

usually grow up to be cowardly. I am convinced that harmony and love should reign in the family. The second point I would like to point out is the role model that violated at home

children

will apply toward not only their

children

but

also

toward other people in the

surrounding

Fix the agreement mistake

surroundings

show examples

. Obviously, they would not be valuable members of society. It is

the

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well-known fact that the best nurture is to be the right role model for your kids. If a parent raises

the

Change the word

their

his

her

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hand against his child,

this

can only mean one thing - he is not following the right path of upbringing, he gives up and cannot find another way to

explan

Correct your spelling

explain

what he wants from his child. To avoid

this

, parents need to learn numerous books on how to

upbring

Correct your spelling

bring

children

. In conclusion,

children

must be grown up in a safe and

harmonic

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harmonious

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family to become valuable members of society.

This

needs

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apply

show examples

hard work from parents in studying methods of effective nurturing without violence.

Submitted by ruben.kirakosyan on Wed Jan 24 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that the essay has a clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Make use of topic sentences to start each paragraph, stating the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that explain or exemplify this point.

coherence cohesion

Use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas together more effectively. This includes the use of synonyms, pronouns, and transitional phrases to avoid repetition and create a smoother flow of ideas.

task achievement

Address all parts of the task in a balanced way, ensuring that both the opinion and the reasoning behind it are clear. Extend your ideas fully, providing further explanation or examples to support each point you make.

task achievement

When providing examples to support your points, try to include specific and relevant instances. Generic or hypothetical examples may weaken your argument, so the more detailed and personal the example, the better it supports your case.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and range. Using a variety of complex sentence structures and advanced vocabulary can demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

274 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries, parents who hit or otherwise punish children physically can be arrested and punished themselves. What is your opinion?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Technology is becoming progressively universal. In the fullness of time, classroom teacher will be totally substituted for technology. Do you agree or disagree?

Increasing housing problem in big city is a social consequences. Some people say that only government can solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that increasing communication usage of computers and mobile phones by young people has had a negative effect on their reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Because of traffic and housing problems in the cities, the government encourages businesses to move to the rural. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?