In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

University gives
people
more opportunities to choose a good career, so they feel more satisfied
by
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with
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their job, have high salaries and
the
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have the
show examples
possibility
for
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to
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improve their education with
Master’s
Correct article usage
a Master’s
show examples
degree in the future. Hopefully, they will
also
teach other young
people
so that the country remains
success
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successful
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in the future.
Also
, many workers need to have a degree on their CV when they apply
to
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for
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a job.
However
, several young
people
also
take advantage of opportunities to gain valuable
experience
in the workplace as soon as possible.
This
mean
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means
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they can earn some money and
also
get training for their future career.
For example
, many companies offer
internship
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internships
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or
apprenticeship
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apprenticeships
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,
such
as engineering companies where young
people
can work to learn,
instead
of study. Sometimes the things we learn from real life are more important than books.
Furthermore
,
experience
from work is very useful. You can have a more fun life in the office, meeting and going out with colleagues is a good way to improve your sociality. Many
people
meet their friends from their
job
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jobs
show examples
,
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apply
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but only have a few friends from the university. Often, workplaces have many events, like parties, which may be fun for young
people
. In conclusion, there are many advantages of university education, but I believe the benefits of workplace
experience
are greater, as they are possible for all and allow young
people
to have awareness and
experience
to earn a good salary from their career.
Submitted by dshansika97 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next, using a wide range of cohesive devices to enhance the clarity of the argument.
task achievement
Develop your main points with detailed and relevant examples. When stating an advantage or disadvantage, elaborate with specific and illustrative scenarios, studies, or data.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from a clearer introduction of the main topic and a more developed conclusion. The introduction should clearly state the advantages and disadvantages that will be discussed, while the conclusion should summarize the arguments and state a clear opinion on the matter.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
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