In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #enrol #university #situation

University gives

people

more opportunities to choose a good career, so they feel more satisfied

Change preposition

with

show examples

their job, have high salaries and

the

Add a missing verb

have the

show examples

possibility

for

Change preposition

show examples

improve their education with

Master’s

Correct article usage

a Master’s

show examples

degree in the future. Hopefully, they will

also

teach other young

people

so that the country remains

success

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successful

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in the future.

Also

, many workers need to have a degree on their CV when they apply

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for

show examples

a job.

However

, several young

people

also

take advantage of opportunities to gain valuable

experience

in the workplace as soon as possible.

This

mean

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means

show examples

they can earn some money and

also

get training for their future career.

For example

, many companies offer

internship

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internships

show examples

apprenticeship

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apprenticeships

show examples

such

as engineering companies where young

people

can work to learn,

instead

of study. Sometimes the things we learn from real life are more important than books.

Furthermore

experience

from work is very useful. You can have a more fun life in the office, meeting and going out with colleagues is a good way to improve your sociality. Many

people

meet their friends from their

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but only have a few friends from the university. Often, workplaces have many events, like parties, which may be fun for young

people

. In conclusion, there are many advantages of university education, but I believe the benefits of workplace

experience

are greater, as they are possible for all and allow young

people

to have awareness and

experience

to earn a good salary from their career.

Submitted by dshansika97 on Wed Jan 24 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next, using a wide range of cohesive devices to enhance the clarity of the argument.

task achievement

Develop your main points with detailed and relevant examples. When stating an advantage or disadvantage, elaborate with specific and illustrative scenarios, studies, or data.

task achievement

The essay could benefit from a clearer introduction of the main topic and a more developed conclusion. The introduction should clearly state the advantages and disadvantages that will be discussed, while the conclusion should summarize the arguments and state a clear opinion on the matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

242 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

work-based training
enrol
university
advantages
disadvantages
practical skills
experience
workforce
employment
earnings
opportunities
further education
theoretical knowledge
career options
exploitation
balance

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In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

“Some people view teenage conflict with their parents as a necessary part of growing up, whilst others see it as something negative which should be avoided. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.”

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.

What is your preference when looking for a new device: friend's recommendations or magazines, newspapers or articles? Give reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Many different countries have most shops and products as the same. Some consider it a positive development, whereas others consider it negative. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?