Some peole believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

some people
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
that travel will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but different
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
consider that tourism is the only way of protecting
culuture
Correct your spelling
culture
.
This
Correct your spelling
essay
esay
Correct your spelling
essay
will discuss both sides That
culture
will be ruined if it is used to earn
tourims
Correct your spelling
tourists
revenue because they
less
Add a missing verb
have less
show examples
money
to buy them so they feel
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
show examples
for a trip.
Example
Change preposition
For example
show examples
we want to know more
culture
in the area but we
less
Add a missing verb
have less
show examples
money
to buy that
culture
so it will be ruined
On the other hand
, they consider that tourism is the only way of protecting
culture
because when they
less
Add a missing verb
have less
show examples
money
, they will know
culture
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
improtant
Correct your spelling
important
so they will be protected and learn them seriously.
Example
Change preposition
For example
show examples
when we
less
Add a missing verb
have less
show examples
money
to buy
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
phone it's very expensive we will be
keeped
Correct your spelling
kept
show examples
carefully. In short,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
stronger opinion that
culuter
Correct your spelling
culture
will be ruined if it used to earn
tourims
Correct your spelling
tourism
revenue
Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on

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Introduction
Your essay lacks a clear introduction that presents the topic and your thesis statement. Start your essay with an introductory paragraph that introduces the topic, provides some background information, and ends with a thesis statement outlining your position.
Logical Structure
Work on developing clear and logical paragraphs. Each paragraph should contain one main idea supported by explanations or examples. Organize your thoughts into clear and coherent paragraphs with topic sentences.
Conclusion
Ensure that your essay has a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position. Without a proper conclusion, your essay feels incomplete.
Examples
Back up your arguments with specific examples. Your current examples are unclear and do not effectively support your points. Use clear and relevant examples to illustrate your ideas.
Development of Ideas
Your essay would benefit from clear and comprehensive ideas. Currently, your points are not fully developed, and the reasoning is somewhat difficult to follow. Expand your ideas with clear explanations and well-thought-out points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ruin
  • preserve
  • promote
  • financial support
  • exploitation
  • commodification
  • authenticity
  • balance
  • crucial
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