Some peole believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#peole #culture #tourism #revenue

some people

believed

Wrong verb form

believe

show examples

that travel will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but different

person

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

consider that tourism is the only way of protecting

culuture

Correct your spelling

culture

This

Correct your spelling

essay

esay

Correct your spelling

essay

will discuss both sides That

culture

will be ruined if it is used to earn

tourims

Correct your spelling

tourists

revenue because they

less

Add a missing verb

have less

show examples

money

to buy them so they feel

Correct your spelling

not

show examples

relax

Wrong verb form

relaxed

show examples

for a trip.

Example

Change preposition

For example

show examples

we want to know more

culture

in the area but we

less

Add a missing verb

have less

show examples

money

to buy that

culture

so it will be ruined

On the other hand

, they consider that tourism is the only way of protecting

culture

because when they

less

Add a missing verb

have less

show examples

money

, they will know

culture

very

Add a missing verb

is very

show examples

improtant

Correct your spelling

important

so they will be protected and learn them seriously.

Example

Change preposition

For example

show examples

when we

less

Add a missing verb

have less

show examples

money

to buy

the

Correct article usage

show examples

phone it's very expensive we will be

keeped

Correct your spelling

kept

show examples

carefully. In short,

Change the capitalization

show examples

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

belive

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

stronger opinion that

culuter

Correct your spelling

culture

will be ruined if it used to earn

tourims

Correct your spelling

tourism

revenue

Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on Wed Jan 24 2024

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Introduction

Your essay lacks a clear introduction that presents the topic and your thesis statement. Start your essay with an introductory paragraph that introduces the topic, provides some background information, and ends with a thesis statement outlining your position.

Logical Structure

Work on developing clear and logical paragraphs. Each paragraph should contain one main idea supported by explanations or examples. Organize your thoughts into clear and coherent paragraphs with topic sentences.

Conclusion

Ensure that your essay has a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position. Without a proper conclusion, your essay feels incomplete.

Examples

Back up your arguments with specific examples. Your current examples are unclear and do not effectively support your points. Use clear and relevant examples to illustrate your ideas.

Development of Ideas

Your essay would benefit from clear and comprehensive ideas. Currently, your points are not fully developed, and the reasoning is somewhat difficult to follow. Expand your ideas with clear explanations and well-thought-out points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

155 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

ruin
preserve
promote
financial support
exploitation
commodification
authenticity
balance
crucial

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Some peole believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that children should be taught at school how to become good parents. Other thinks it is not a good idea Do you agree or disagree?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Describe a period of time from your studies that was the most difficult for you so far. You should say: •When it was •Why was it hard •What you were doing at that time

Establishing good relationships in the workplace is not important, as the primary goal of every person is to focus on work. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society. How can this problem be solved?