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Band 5

Write a letter to this friend. In your letter: Tell your friend about the job and what sort of work,if Involves say why you think the job would be suitable for her/him explain how to apply for this job

#friend #job #sort #work
Hope you are doing well, I am writing
this
 letter to inform you that , I moved to a new apartment in Borivali
last
 month.
To begin
 with , Actually ,I
shifted
Verb problem
moved
show examples
 to a new house because as you know I got a new job opportunity in a reputed organization and my new
society
 is near to my
office
.
Moreover
, it was difficult for me to travel from my previous apartment to the new
office
 during
office
 hours because there was a heavy traffic jam on the road.
As a result
 ,I always reached the
office
 late. For
reason
Correct determiner usage
this reason
show examples
, I decided to change my house.
Secondly
 , My new
society
 is a modern
society
 . It has all the basic amenities
such
 as a swimming pool ,supermarket , kids play zone and gym. My new apartment has two bedrooms, a living room and a kitchen.
In addition
, there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lush greenery inside the
society
. I would like to invite you to visit my home at the weekend , we haven't met for so long so I really want to meet you. Please plan your visit and let me know. Waiting for your reply. Regards
Submitted by preetiaug25 on

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Task Achievement
The content of the letter was off-topic according to the instructions given. The letter was meant to discuss a job opportunity, why it would be suitable for the friend, and how to apply for it. Ensure that your letter addresses the prompts provided accurately.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of the letter could be improved by organizing the information more effectively around the given prompts. The letter did not align with the job opportunity topic, thus affecting its coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
The letter lacks a proper greeting and closing that are specific to the context of a letter to a friend discussing a particular subject. Use a friendly and personalized opening and closing to establish a clear relationship with the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea relevant to the task. This helps with the clarity and flow of information throughout your letter. This was somewhat achieved, but the content was not related to the main task, affecting the score.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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