IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people spend a lot of money on hosting birthday parties, family functions, and other celebrations. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this.

#people #money #birthday #parties #functions #celebrations
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
With
people
's
life
 quality
is
Verb problem
of life
show examples
 becoming better and better, some
people
 will
cost
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
money
 on entertainment
such
 as holding lots of parties and celebrating festivals. Points of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 on
this
 kind of
behaviors
Fix the agreement mistake
behavior
show examples
 differ from
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 to
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
, some consider it a good chance to connect with family and friends
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think it a waste of
money
 and time.
For
Change preposition
People
show examples
people
 who support the
celebrations
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
persist
celebrations
 are
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
inseperable
Correct your spelling
inseparable
 part of
life
. Nowadays
people
's lives are full of work and study, which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 a
lot
 of stress for them, and
life
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 tedious for
people
 after working and studying
day
 by
day
.
As a result
 of that, we need to add surprise and entertainment into our
life
, by spending efforts
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
celebrations
,
people
 can be more happy and treature the
day
 than the other
day
, which
leave
Correct subject-verb agreement
leaves
show examples
people
 memories for them to recall. Realistic
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 the concern for
people
 who object
spending
Change preposition
to spending
show examples
 too much
money
 on
celebrations
. If someone
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to celebrate their important days, it not only
cost
Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
show examples
 him/her a
lot
 of
money
 but
also
 a
lot
 of time. There is no need to make yourself exhausted, and the
money
 can be used in a
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
wiser way rather than
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on
celebrations
. What's more,
people
 can celebrate important days happily without costing
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
amounts
 of
money
,
for example
,
people
 can cook by themselves rather than go to an expensive restaurant.
To sum up
, it can be a wonderful memory after costing a
lot
 in
celevrations
Correct your spelling
celebrations
celebration
, but it can be a waste of
money
 and time.
Submitted by asllchkied on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and includes a thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay.
Conclusion
Make sure your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates your position on the topic, providing a sense of closure.
Cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to create cohesion and clearly signal the relationship between ideas.
Supporting Ideas
Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations to fully support your arguments.
Task Response
Directly address the question and ensure you provide a balanced discussion that covers both advantages and disadvantages equally, following the prompt requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • extravagant
  • festivities
  • social cohesion
  • memorable occasions
  • economic stimulus
  • financial strain
  • consumerism
  • keeping up with the Joneses
  • carbon footprint
  • waste generation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: