IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people spend a lot of money on hosting birthday parties, family functions, and other celebrations. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this.

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With
people
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's
life
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 quality
is
Verb problem
of life
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 becoming better and better, some
people
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 will
cost
Verb problem
spend
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 large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of
money
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 on entertainment
such
Linking Words
 as holding lots of parties and celebrating festivals. Points of
views
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view
show examples
 on
this
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 kind of
behaviors
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behavior
show examples
 differ from
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people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 to
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people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
, some consider it a good chance to connect with family and friends
while
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other
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others
show examples
 think it a waste of
money
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 and time.
For
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People
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people
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 who support the
celebrations
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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persist
celebrations
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 are
the
Correct article usage
an
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inseperable
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inseparable
 part of
life
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. Nowadays
people
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's lives are full of work and study, which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 a
lot
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 of stress for them, and
life
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have
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has
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became
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become
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 tedious for
people
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 after working and studying
day
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 by
day
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.
As a result
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 of that, we need to add surprise and entertainment into our
life
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, by spending efforts
in
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on
show examples
celebrations
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,
people
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 can be more happy and treature the
day
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 than the other
day
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, which
leave
Correct subject-verb agreement
leaves
show examples
people
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 memories for them to recall. Realistic
problem
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problems
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maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
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 the concern for
people
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 who object
spending
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to spending
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 too much
money
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 on
celebrations
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. If someone
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
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 to celebrate their important days, it not only
cost
Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
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 him/her a
lot
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 of
money
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 but
also
Linking Words
 a
lot
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 of time. There is no need to make yourself exhausted, and the
money
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 can be used in a
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
wiser way rather than
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on
celebrations
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. What's more,
people
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 can celebrate important days happily without costing
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
amounts
 of
money
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,
for example
Linking Words
,
people
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 can cook by themselves rather than go to an expensive restaurant.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it can be a wonderful memory after costing a
lot
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 in
celevrations
Correct your spelling
celebrations
celebration
, but it can be a waste of
money
Use synonyms
 and time.

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Introduction
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and includes a thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay.
Conclusion
Make sure your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates your position on the topic, providing a sense of closure.
Cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to create cohesion and clearly signal the relationship between ideas.
Supporting Ideas
Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations to fully support your arguments.
Task Response
Directly address the question and ensure you provide a balanced discussion that covers both advantages and disadvantages equally, following the prompt requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • extravagant
  • festivities
  • social cohesion
  • memorable occasions
  • economic stimulus
  • financial strain
  • consumerism
  • keeping up with the Joneses
  • carbon footprint
  • waste generation
What to do next:
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