Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives.

#people #children #ages #responsibilities #home #work #school #lives

nowadys

Correct your spelling

Nowadays

gruop

Correct your spelling

group

of people believe that

children

should have some extra

resposibilities

Correct your spelling

responsibilities

such

as helping at home ,

help

Wrong verb form

helping

show examples

at work

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

etc. meanwhile , some people believe that

children

must enjoy their lives and I want to discuss both

view

Change to a plural noun

views

show examples

this

essay. some

peole

Correct your spelling

people

uphold

Change the verb form

upholds

show examples

that

children

should have extra responsibilities

due to

it is

helpfull

Correct your spelling

helpful

for their future and they will become

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

responsible

person

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

in their lives and they learn to help each other

this

makes them progress in their careers.

on the other hand

, some people believe that it is not absolutely necessary for

children

to have extra responsibilities and they need to play with their friends, play computer games

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

etc.

every

Capitalize word

Every

show examples

human being does not live more than once , so it is the right of every

person

to at least enjoy their childhood that

this

raises the morale of a

person

and the

person

who has a high morale is more successful in their work.

to conclude

although

having extra

resoponsiblities

Correct your spelling

responsibilities

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is good for many

thing

Change to a plural noun

things

show examples

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

having fun as a child not only boosts morale as an adult

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

improves work in the future.

Submitted by sindokhtdadjoo2000 on Wed Jan 24 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Make sure to develop your main points more fully by providing detailed and specific examples to support your argument. Provide real-life scenarios or make use of research studies to back up your points.

coherence cohesion

Organize your ideas more effectively by dividing your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a central idea. Use a range of cohesive devices to link these ideas together more naturally.

task achievement

Avoid general statements that lack depth or specificity. Instead, make sure each paragraph expands upon a single main idea, delving deeper into the topic.

coherence cohesion

To enhance clarity, pay attention to your essay structure. Include a clear introduction that presents the topic and outlines your view. Develop your main points in separate body paragraphs, and provide a conclusion that summarizes your argument and restates your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

196 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

extra responsibilities
develop skills
life lessons
work ethic
sense of responsibility
contribute to
family
community
playtime
physical development
mental development
balance
enjoyment
guide
childhood

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Claim: It is no longer possible for a society to regard any living man or woman as a hero. Reason: The reputation of anyone who is subjected to media scrutiny will eventually be diminished. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.
The assertion that contemporary society can no longer elevate any individual as an idol due to the inevitable erosion of reputation under outlets survey is a topic of contention. While some argue the pervasive influence of media audit tarnishes the image of public figures, others maintain true ikons can withstand such challenges and continue to inspire. This essay will delve into both perspectives before presenting my own viewpoint on the matter.
7
band
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Write at least 250 words.
It is believed in several cultures that perseverance can lead to success in anything. This essay will shed light on its ups and downsides in the further discussion.
7
band
As well as making money, businesses should also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There have been growing concerns concerning most businesses that are inclined to be obsessed with considering profitability. However, some people may have claimed that businesses should play a vital role in fostering social responsibilities. Personally, I agree with this suggestion since businesses influence consumers' choices which are related to social issues.
7
band
Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is no doubt that nowadays children are not keen on physical activities as much as they used to be in the past. Some people say that physical education classes should be obligatory for kids at school. I agree with this statement and in this essay, I will explain my own opinion.
6.5
band
Robots aand artificial intelligence are being developed to replace humans in the workplace. Why is this happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society?
In this era, human workplaces are being replaced by the development of robots and AI. This writer believes that it is the high productivity and automation that make robots and AI work better than humans and this is a positive change.

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives.

Fully explain your ideas

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Write at least 250 words.

As well as making money, businesses should also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Robots aand artificial intelligence are being developed to replace humans in the workplace. Why is this happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society?