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Band 2.5

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives.

#people #children #ages #responsibilities #home #work #school #lives
nowadys
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
 a
gruop
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group
 of people believe that
children
 should have some extra
resposibilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
such
 as helping at home ,
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
 at work
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc. meanwhile , some people believe that
children
 must enjoy their lives and I want to discuss both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
 in
this
 essay. some
peole
Correct your spelling
people
uphold
Change the verb form
upholds
show examples
 that
children
 should have extra responsibilities
due to
 it is
helpfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
 for their future and they will become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsible
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in their lives and they learn to help each other
this
 makes them progress in their careers.
on the other hand
, some people believe that it is not absolutely necessary for
children
 to have extra responsibilities and they need to play with their friends, play computer games
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc.
every
Capitalize word
Every
show examples
 human being does not live more than once , so it is the right of every
person
 to at least enjoy their childhood that
this
 raises the morale of a
person
 and the
person
 who has a high morale is more successful in their work.
to conclude
,
although
 having extra
resoponsiblities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is good for many
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
having fun as a child not only boosts morale as an adult
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 improves work in the future.
Submitted by sindokhtdadjoo2000 on

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task achievement
Make sure to develop your main points more fully by providing detailed and specific examples to support your argument. Provide real-life scenarios or make use of research studies to back up your points.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more effectively by dividing your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a central idea. Use a range of cohesive devices to link these ideas together more naturally.
task achievement
Avoid general statements that lack depth or specificity. Instead, make sure each paragraph expands upon a single main idea, delving deeper into the topic.
coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity, pay attention to your essay structure. Include a clear introduction that presents the topic and outlines your view. Develop your main points in separate body paragraphs, and provide a conclusion that summarizes your argument and restates your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • extra responsibilities
  • develop skills
  • life lessons
  • work ethic
  • sense of responsibility
  • contribute to
  • family
  • community
  • playtime
  • physical development
  • mental development
  • balance
  • enjoyment
  • guide
  • childhood
What to do next:
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