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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that the universities must only accept student with high mark, while others believe that universities must accept students of all ages regardless of their previous grades. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #universities #student #mark #students #ages #grades
Whilst many think that
universities
 must accept
students
 despite their past reports, I believe
universites
Correct your spelling
universities
 should select
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 based on their scores as it will reflect on their ability and dedication
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 learning.
Universities
 must consider
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
looking at the student's backgrounds in order for them to see
wheteher
Correct your spelling
whether
 the
students
' abilities
qualified
Wrong verb form
qualify
show examples
 with the campus' standards. It is only fair for outstanding
students
 to be accepted in an
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 institution that can support and encourage the
students
Change to a genitive case
student's
students'
show examples
 knowledge with supporting facilities and resources.
For instance
,
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of Gadjah Mada is one the
highest ranked
Add a hyphen
highest-ranked
show examples
 public
universities
 in Indonesia and with that image comes
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 cost of only accepting well-educated
students
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
this
 gives a
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 in achieving valuable graduates that bring
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 reputation to their university.
On the other hand
, it is every
students'
Change noun form
student's
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to receive the same amount of education quality in order to remove any gap among the society. Imagine if everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the equal opportunity to learn and study in the
universities
 that they desire,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 most private
universities
 in Indonesia
accepted
Wrong verb form
accept
show examples
 every
students
Change to a singular noun
student
show examples
 despite their past educational backgrounds.
However
,
this
openess
Correct your spelling
openness
 can diminish the competition
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 entering top
universities
.
Students
 with high orientation backgrounds, work hard in the past in
hope
Correct article usage
the hope
show examples
to be
Change preposition
of being
show examples
 accepted
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 reputable
universities
 and without
this
 reputation,
students
 may lose their motivation to study in school since everyone can enter top
universities
. In conclusion,
although
 it
is believe
Change the verb form
is believed
show examples
 that
students
 deserve to have equal opportunity in entering college, high achiever
students
 should be recognized to get what they deserve which is to be accepted in
top ranked
Add a hyphen
top-ranked
show examples
universities
, in order for their future goals to be developed with offering benefits from the education institution that they deserved.
Submitted by studymeterr on

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Task Response
To improve task response, ensure that you present a more balanced discussion of both views before giving your opinion. Offer equal coverage and analysis to each side to fully address the prompt.
Coherence & Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on transitions and connectors to ensure a smoother flow between ideas and paragraphs. Aim for a seamless reader experience where each point naturally leads to the next.
Task Response
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your main points and make the essay more convincing and engaging for the reader.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Meritocracy
  • Curricula
  • Inclusive
  • Mature students
  • Disadvantaged backgrounds
  • Workforce
  • Holistic review
  • Portfolios
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Diverse student body
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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