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Writing Samples
Band 4

apple canning The diagram shows how apples are canned.

apple canning The diagram shows how apples are canned.
The flowchart depicts all the required
process
Fix the agreement mistake
processes
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 of
apple
Use synonyms
cans
Use synonyms
. By and large, there are two stages of majors needed: checking quality control of picked
apples
Use synonyms
 and producing the
apple
Use synonyms
cans
Use synonyms
. As for the first main process, the whole production
is started
Wrong verb form
starts
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 with the harvesting of the
apples
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 and transportation to the nearby
apple
Use synonyms
 factories.
Initially
Linking Words
,
apples
Use synonyms
 were taken by hand picking in the
apple
Use synonyms
 orchards to be processed
further
Linking Words
. Those
apples
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 would be sent to the factory before being washed to cleanse any unwanted
substance
Fix the agreement mistake
substances
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, and quality checked in order to maintain
the
Change the word
their
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 freshness. Afterwards, the
apples
Use synonyms
 were cold stored in a temperature monitoring system, and it will be graded
as
Change preposition
according to
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 the condition before peeled. Moving on to the next process, the
apples
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 are peeled before being sliced into small sizes. The sliced
apples
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 are packaged into
cans
Use synonyms
 before being distributed, and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 will be sealed to
maintain
Verb problem
keep
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 the products safe. Following that, the
apple
Use synonyms
cans
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 are retrieved by the incubator to be sterilized, which kills the microbes before being
labeled
Change the spelling
labelled
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. Eventually, the
cans
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 are
labeled
Change the spelling
labelled
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 for the
expired
Replace the word
expiration
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 date and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 will be stored in the storeroom. The
apple
Use synonyms
cans
Use synonyms
 are ready to be dispatched around the world.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words apple, cans, apples with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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