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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people a better education. Do you agree or disagree.

#prison #countries #crime #people #education
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One of
popular
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the popular
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 methods to overcome
the
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apply
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criminal issues is prison.
On the other hand
, there some people believe that
education
 proposes fruitful
suggestion
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suggestions
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 to reduce the illegal act. I personally ultimately agree with proposing
education
 as
fundamental
Correct article usage
a fundamental
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 step related to several points of view.
Firstly
,
education
 creates highminded people who lead them into good character. They will know the best and worst deed
as well as
 the consequences of taking the
offensed
Correct your spelling
offence
offensive
 actions.
For example
, in family
education
, people are introduced to behave well,
such
 as “do not take the others’ stuff, come to the
peoples’
Change noun form
people’s
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 house by greeting and many more,
likewise
, in
the
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apply
show examples
school, students are facilitated by several subjects to sharpen their moral character, knowing the consequences of every misdeed and understanding the law and the right. The second view is that through equipping
education
 which focuses on generating an insightful generation that can assist them in applying for a job or building work field as the data from the Central Bureau of
Statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
Statistics
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 of Indonesia in twenty twenty one revealed that the highest peak of crime rate came to both robbery and thief as the reaction of economic factor and poverty. So, it is that
education
as
Correct your spelling
is
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 the preventive way of
the
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apply
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criminal action,
instead
 of
the
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apply
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prison. To
sump
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sum
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 up, I am standing my position on the argument stating that
education
 is
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 applicable action that
againts
Correct your spelling
against
 the prison side since
education
 allows whole individuals either more valuable comprehension of etiquette and law or access of gaining various jobs.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more clearly. You should have a distinct introduction, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all supporting details and examples are relevant to that main idea.
task achievement
Enhance your main points by providing more concrete examples and specific evidence. Personal anecdotes or references to studies and statistics can greatly improve the persuasiveness of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tackles root causes
  • preventative approach
  • critical thinking
  • decision-making skills
  • recidivism rates
  • equipping
  • socio-economic benefits
  • underlying factors
  • poverty
  • ignorance
  • lack of opportunities
  • rehabilitation
  • ineffective
  • higher rates of re-offending
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