IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In future it may be necessary for us to live on another planets. For this reason, some people believe that we should spend money now to reseach another planets. Such as mars, to what extend do you agree or disagree?

#future #planets #reason #people #money #reseach
It is a
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
 fact that nowadays,
wolrl's
Correct your spelling
world's
 population is increasing. Many
people
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not have enough
space
 to live.
Therefore
, part of them believe that we should focus on researching
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
another planets
Replace the adjective
another planet
other planets
show examples
.
On the other hand
, plenty of
people
 tend to move away from their
villages
 to the city
while
villages
 still hold more
space
 to live so, I
disgree
Correct your spelling
disagree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 opinion. Currently, most
people
 tend to move to the cities because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they do not find
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 career
opportuinities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 in their
villages
.
Cosequently
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, there are no facilities like water,electricity,
hospitals
Correct word choice
or hospitals
show examples
 in rural areas. And
also
, rural areas still
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 enough
spaces
Fix the agreement mistake
space
show examples
 for
man kind
Correct your spelling
mankind
show examples
 to live.
Due to
 that fact,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 must focus more on developing
villages
 rather than researching on
another planets
Replace the adjective
another planet
other planets
show examples
.
For example
, my village still has more lands that are for sale
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 cheap prices. But there are no
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 to live
since
Change preposition
with since
show examples
 they can not find basic facilities
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there.
Secondly
, there is no
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
other green planet like
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 we did conduct many
reseaches
Correct your spelling
research
 still we did not find any life
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
another planets
Replace the adjective
another planet
other planets
show examples
.
Hence
, it will be hard for
people
 to adapt
Change preposition
to these
show examples
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of situations.
As humans
Correct word choice
Humans
show examples
 need gravity, oxygen and water to live.
For Instance
, scientists who
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 been engaged in
space
 missions
such
 as,
moon
Correct article usage
the moon
show examples
 are suffering
different
Change the article
a different
show examples
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
sicknesess
Correct your spelling
sickness
sicknesses
 after they
came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 back to the earth. In conclusion,
although
Correct article usage
the currant
show examples
currant
Correct your spelling
current
show examples
 population is abnormally
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
, we must pay attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the rural areas that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 enough
space
 to live. And it will be
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of money
hence
, there is no
othrt
Correct your spelling
other
 planet
as
Change preposition
like
show examples
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
 in the galaxy.
Submitted by darshanadnj20 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logically structured introduction, which should clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the premise of the question, and offer a preview of the points you will discuss. Additionally, your paragraphs should have clear topic sentences and the ideas should be developed in a logical order.
task achievement
You partially addressed the prompt but did not fully develop a response that adheres to the full scope of the question. You should aim to fully explore and expand on the issue of researching other planets versus developing rural areas, including a balanced discussion of both views if you choose a 'partial agreement' response, and provide a more comprehensive conclusion tying in all your points.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: