Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals form dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#species #world #people #countries #individuals #animals #form #beings

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It has been a global concern that the number of wildlife creatures on

Earth

has been decreasing gradually. A vast amount of opinions have emerged regarding

this

issue. One of them is that we should come up with solutions that will protect the animals from going extinct. Meanwhile, other parties think that we ought to focus on the problems in our society first. For that reason, the upcoming essay will discuss

both

point

Change to a plural noun

points

show examples

views

Fix the agreement mistake

view

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. Prioritizing the decreasing amount of animal species is imperative since it is important for the sake of wildlife security and balance.

This

is backed up

with

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show examples

several reasons.

Firstly

, securing animals from going extinct is done to keep their existence on

Earth

. Imagine if

Add the comma(s)

, in

show examples

the next 10 years, the majority of animal types have reduced heavily. Of course, we do not want our grandchildren to miss out

the

Change preposition

on the

show examples

beauty

Earth

has to offer.

Secondly

, our ecosystem is prone to be affected. As a part of the

Earth

's lifecycle, animals have their own roles that will have impacts on other elements of our nature.

For example

, their food chains have the possibility to be disrupted if one of the

component

Change to a plural noun

components

show examples

is gone.

Hence

, the spotlight of the

government

and the citizen's concern should be directed towards

this

specific problem.

Although

we have noticed the importance of prioritizing wildlife extinction, it cannot be neglected that the cost of it is not cheap. A large amount of investment must be allocated for the given issue. For that reason, some people believe that it is ineffective and that investment should be used for

people-centered

Change the spelling

people-centred

show examples

problems.

For instance

, poverty and hunger still roam in a lot of areas. Shifting the

government

's focus to address these

issues

first will definitely be more impactful since more folks will experience the effects directly.

Therefore

, by taking the cost into consideration, the

government

Unnecessary verb

apply

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ought to solve humanity

issues

first. In my perspective, there must be a balance between

both

concerns. The

government

, as

decision makers

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decision-makers

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, need to quickly come up with a decision that benefits

both

issues

Firstly

this

should be done by delegating these concerns into

seperate

Correct your spelling

separate

organizations. As an example,

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show examples

the national scale, they have their own ministries that are able to focus on

both

issues

at the same time.

Secondly

, wise money allocation is the key to solving

both

problems.

Hence

at the end

of the day, it is up to the

decision makers

Add a hyphen

decision-makers

show examples

Submitted by nadiamanda.salsabilla on Wed Jan 24 2024

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task achievement

While the essay addresses the task, the development of some main points could be expanded with more specific examples to illustrate the arguments. Include more detailed instances or data to support the claims made, particularly when discussing the importance of animal preservation and the impact of resolving human problems.

coherence and cohesion

The essay presents an understandable logical structure, with clear paragraphs and a good use of linking words. To improve, consider varying sentence structures and transitional phrases for a more sophisticated flow. Complex sentences could be employed to demonstrate a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

coherence and cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purposes, but the conclusion could be enhanced by offering a more decisive personal opinion, as well as summarizing the main points more clearly to reinforce the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

406 words

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Include an introduction and conclusion

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Some schools are very strict about their school uniforms and the appearance of their pupil, while other schools have a very relaxed dress code. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children of having a school uniform?