IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Supermarkets shoul only sell food produced within their own country. What are your opinions about it.

#supermarkets #shoul #food #country
The illustration presents information about people were travelled abroad in 1990, 1995, 2000 and 2005. It can be clearly seen that all numbers of tourists increased but there were significant differences in the data for each year.
Overall
, the number of
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 from Europe started with the highest the figures change of the five from 1990 and increased to approximately 400
million
 individuals going abroad.
By contrast
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of humans from
Correct article usage
the middle
show examples
middle
Capitalize word
Middle
show examples
 East started with the smallest change, about 10
million
 in 1990 and ended
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the lowest of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
five, 16
million
 in 2005. The most salient
features
Fix the agreement mistake
feature
show examples
 is that in 1990 60
million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
travelers from Asia and the
pacific
Capitalize word
Pacific
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
had an international trip, which
is contrast
Change the verb form
contrasts
show examples
 sharply with the figure of 136
million
 in 2005. The amount of American citizens
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increasing was a rising trend from 1990 and raised to 113
million
 in 2005.
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay does not address the topic provided, which is about supermarkets selling only food produced within their own country. Ensure that you understand and address the essay prompt accurately.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure with an identifiable introduction, body, and conclusion. To improve, begin with an introduction that paraphrases the question, offers a thesis statement, and outlines the main points. Follow with body paragraphs that each focus on one main idea, and conclude with a summary of your arguments and your final opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is confusing, as it does not develop a coherent argument based on the topic. Work on creating distinct paragraphs, each with a topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that relate to the main topic of the essay.
task response
To achieve a higher score, your main points must be well-developed and related to the task. Include specific examples and explanations that support your argument. Since the essay does not pertain to the given topic, revise your content to directly tackle the question of supermarkets selling only locally-produced food.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Local economies
  • Carbon footprint
  • Agricultural sector
  • Nutritional value
  • Food sovereignty
  • Cultural traditions
  • Agricultural diversity
  • Food imports
  • Trade retaliations
  • Economic implications
  • Seasonal produce
  • Supply and demand
  • Sustainable agriculture
  • Consumer choice
  • Global trade
What to do next:
Look at other essays: