IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Over
time
Use synonyms
, it is commonly acknowledged that modern life which inhabits the city represents a better quality of life and more opportunities for individuals.
Therefore
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 , many rural populations have cognitively migrated to urban
areas
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. Admittedly, in terms of the development of individuals, flourishing
cities
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 always have more employment opportunities.
This
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 could be attributed to citizens' various demands of living,
such
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 diverse
service
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 fields as medical treatment, catering
service
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 industry and transportation
service
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. Many workers who are from the countryside are able to find a permanent occupation and earn sustainable income in these
areas
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 .
On the contrary
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, the employment chances of rural regions are more restricted than
cities
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.
For example
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, the majority of public people who reside in rural
areas
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 always only occupy some jobs regarding agriculture,
such
Linking Words
 as farmers who cultivate crops.
Nevertheless
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, taking the whole country's development into consideration, if most rural populations have moved their home to city
areas
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,
this
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 phenomenon might cause an unbalance
in particular
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 industrial development. To be specific,
although
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 industry engineering and public
service
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 in some metropolitan regions are pretty significant for the financial increase of a particular country, the agriculture department
also
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 undertakes a necessary role.
In addition
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, the majority of workplaces in agriculture are in the suburbs or rural
areas
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. As a specific instance, some poverty countries in China still have used original methods to cultivate and process crops.
Moreover
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, the lack of modern farming techniques and management experience limits the yield of crops and procession efficiently,
as
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the same
time
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,
this
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 situation leads to the majority of farmers being unable to get a positive income for a long period of
time
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, as a vicious circle.
Additionally
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, overcrowding in
cities
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 might bring some potential problems. It means that overpopulation could bring pressure
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 urban infrastructure and services, leading to challenges
such
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 as housing shortage, and traffic congestion.
For instance
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, one disadvantage of transportation,is
athe
Correct your spelling
the
 number of vehicles on the road,
this
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 not only affects
time
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 for individuals but
also
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 causes an increase in air pollution and reduces air quality in the city. In conclusion, taking into all accounts,I want to emphasize the disadvantages of
this
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 negative phenomenon that most people who inhabit in countryside start
Add the particle
to
show examples
migrate to
cities
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 over its advantages. The government ought to erect related policies and regulations to mitigate
this
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 serious social issue.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction provides a clear overview of the topic and your position on it. This helps the reader to understand your perspective and sets the stage for what to expect in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop your arguments more thoroughly with varied sentence structures and transition words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will increase the cohesion of your essay.
supported main points
Back up your main points with more specific examples or data when possible. This will strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
Be careful with your word choice and grammar, as unclear phrases can obstruct the clarity of your ideas. Proofread to avoid minor errors and to ensure your argument is communicated effectively.
task achievement
Make sure you directly answer the question posed in the prompt in your conclusion. Restate your position clearly and summarize your main arguments without introducing new ideas.
logical structure
Use a mix of both complex and simple sentences to convey your ideas. Variation in sentence structure can improve readability and demonstrate a range of language skills.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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