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Band 5

Do you think that money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered?

#money #factor #job #factors
People
 consider many
factors
 when they choose a
job
. Some believe how much the
job
pay
Correct subject-verb agreement
pays
show examples
 is one of the most important
factors
,
while
 others think there are other
factors
 more critical than money. I deem total compensation
is
Wrong verb form
to be
show examples
 a crucial factor when
people
 decide
a
Change preposition
on a
show examples
job
.
This
 essay will examine the reason why I think financial benefit is an important factor and other
factors
 individuals should take into account when they start their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. First of all, financial benefit from the
job
 indicates the value of my
job
, so
people
 can know their value
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the labour market and how the company counts on them based on their salary.
For example
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of corporates in the world judge applicants' candidacy by their previous remuneration when they hire experienced workers.
Besides
 money,
work
 and life balance, location of
work
Add the comma(s)
, as well as career opportunity,
show examples
as well as
 career opportunity are the other important
factors
 a person should give
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
consideration
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a
job
.
Firstly
, for parents who need to care
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 children, they might think
work
 and life balance is the most essential factor of a
job
.
Secondly
,
work
 location or whether employees
work
 from home or not is a
fator
Correct your spelling
factor
candidates
Change the noun form
candidate
show examples
 should consider since
this
 can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 greatly on
employee's
Change noun form
employee
show examples
 performance considering the amount of commuting time.
Lastly
, career opportunity is
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
show examples
factors
Fix the agreement mistake
factor
show examples
 as individuals want to develop their knowledge and skills by performing tasks at
work
.
To sum up
, how much
people
 get paid from a
job
 should be deemed since it is almost equal to my professional value.
Additionally
, individuals should consider the location of
work
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
working hours and other
opportunitiy
Correct your spelling
opportunities
opportunity
 that jobs can provide
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Job
 seekers have to consider all
factors
 and prioritize these things when choosing a
job
.
Submitted by ywb516 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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