IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of electricity consumed by different sectors in Eastern Australia in 2007 and 2010.

The charts below show the percentage of electricity consumed by different sectors in Eastern Australia in 2007 and 2010.
#show #percentage #electricity #sectors #australia
The given pie chart presents the proportion of the usage of electricity by 8 distinct sectors in Eastern
Autralia
Correct your spelling
Australia
 in 2007 and 2010. The data are measured by percentages.
Overall
, it can be seen that most people tend to use electricity for
residental
Correct your spelling
residential
 and commercial both in 2007 and 2010. The rest of the sectors are from 6 different categories, namely agriculture, mining,
alumunium
Correct your spelling
aluminium
,
manfuacturing
Correct your spelling
manufacturing
, transport, and other metals. In 2007, Residential held the most
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
 at
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exact
Change the word
exactly
show examples
 28%, it still remained the same until 2010.
Likewise
, commercial, agriculture, mining, and transport had the same trend, it remained unchanged from 2007 to 2010, with 23%, 1%, 9%,
1
Correct word choice
and 1
show examples
%, respectively.
In contrast
, the other sectors,
such
 as
alumunium
Correct your spelling
aluminium
, manufacturing, and other metals had different
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
, either increasing or decreasing. For
alumunium
Correct your spelling
aluminium
 and manufacturing, the users
deacrase
Correct your spelling
decrease
decreased
 its usage from 13%, respectively in 2007, become 11% and 9%, respectively in 2010.
Whereas
 other metals increased
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 usage of electricity from 12% in 2007 to 18% in 2010.
Submitted by fadhlannaufaall on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: