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Band 5.5

More and more people today expect to get what they want instantly (goods, services, news), without having to wait. Why is this ? Do you think this a positive or negative development?

#people #goods #services #news #development
In a fast-paced and technological era, the demand for
instant
 gratification has reached unprecedented levels. Goods, services and news can all be accessed instantly, satisfying the innate desire for immediate results. And it has been a subject of debate. From my perspective, I believe that it is a negative trend for several reasons. An increasing number of
people
 are getting used to attaining things as fast as possible for many reasons.
Firstly
, online platforms and apps offer the convenience of obtaining necessities with minimal effort and time.
For example
, some products that may have been impossible in certain periods of the year, are accessible now, even though have been delivered to the doorsteps of customers.
Secondly
,
today
Change noun form
today's
show examples
instant
 approach to news allows
people
 to be aware of global events.
this
 can engender awareness and empathy among individuals.
Furthermore
, I tend to see a negative shade. The emphasis on
instant
 gratification can lead to a reduction in patience and perseverance. If
people
 get what they want immediately, they can hardly appreciate it.
In addition
, easy access to goods can foster impulsive purchasing behaviour.
This
 can cause environmental degradation.
Apart from
this
, shallow engagements, where
people
 skim through headlines without delving deeper into complex issues, are
due to
 immediate access to news and information.
This
 can result
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 critical
thinling
Correct your spelling
thinking
 and
in-depth
Correct article usage
an in-depth
show examples
 understanding of important matters. In conclusion, easy access leads
people
 to
instant
 contentment,
whereas
 I think that it is a negative trend as it can lead to degradation of the environment and impatience.
Submitted by asmazumanbaeva on

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task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully in the main body of your essay, giving precise examples and explaining how these support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your essay consistently maintains a clear topic throughout, with each paragraph logically flowing from one to the next. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to structure your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Include an unequivocal conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position in a clear manner.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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