IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people believe that technology has made humans more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #technology #humans
There is an opinion that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
 utilization in daily life has helped
people
 to be more social. In
this
 essay, I do agree with
this
 point of view as the current communication
technology
 has improved the way
people
 maintain their
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 and expand their networking.
First,
advanced
technology
 allows
people
 to update information in
real time
Add a hyphen
real-time
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. Recently,
people
can
Verb problem
have
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use
Wrong verb form
used
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 multiple platforms to communicate or to update their condition to their friends and relatives who live apart.
For example
, students who study overseas can have daily video calls through
Correct article usage
the Whatsapp
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Whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
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 application with their parents or a businessman can email his colleague to do trading. These kinds of platforms really give benefits for
people
 to maintain communication and information effectively.
In addition
,
people
 can build more connections and communities
by
Change preposition
through
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 the advancement of
technology
. The power of social media has helped
people
 from different countries to know each other, make virtual communities and even plan to do activities even though they have never met.
As
Change preposition
For
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an
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apply
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instance,
Correct article usage
a Linked-in
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Linked-in
Correct your spelling
LinkedIn
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 community was established to gather
people
 with the same professional expertise, in which they can share career information or do online conferences to discuss issues about their jobs. So, building new networks will be easier with the help of
technology
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to structure your essay more clearly by linking ideas and paragraphs using a wider range of cohesive devices. This practice can make your arguments flow more naturally from one to another. Employing varying complex sentence structures will also enhance coherence.
task achievement
Regarding task achievement, ensure that you address the prompt entirely by discussing both sides of the argument, even if you are agreeing with one perspective. You should also provide a clear opinion which should be reflected consistently throughout the essay, reinforced in your conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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