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Band 4.5

Some people think that teachers at school are more responsible for children’s intellectual and social development than parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #teachers #school #children’s #development #parents
It is a dilemma for some individuals that school teachers hold heavier responsibility over the
parents
 on children’s cleverness and communication skills. I do not believe
such
statement
Correct article usage
a statement
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 is true since I understand that
while
 it is possible to be an educated person, being someone who is decent requires many qualities because Intelligence is something which can be taught, but a person is in need of nurturing for developing decency. First of all, every human’s first encountered teacher will always be the
parents
. Kids begin their everyday
life-cycle
Correct your spelling
life cycle
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 by imitating and following their
parents
’ footsteps.
For instance
, a young man who grew up witnessing a father with habitual drinking will not consider twice
for
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apply
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becoming one himself.
Furthermore
, a kid from a broken family who is not a stranger to
witness
Wrong verb form
witnessing
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 the father committing domestic abuse on his mother will consider it as a normal event and might feel fine to do so when he grows up.
On the other hand
, teachers at schools can teach children for intellectual growth. Mentors are meant to be there to guide the students
how
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on how
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 to achieve greatness in their education. No matter how a student may be
poor
Correct word choice
apply
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in his or her studies, with enough dedication and
putting
Verb problem
apply
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a fair amount of effort, they can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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hoped
for becoming
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to become
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 educated
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
To conclude
,
parents
 can
instill
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instil
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 character in children whilst teachers are the ones driving their pupils to be educated persons. Having said that, I believe
parents
 bear more responsibility
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 kids’ intellectual and social development.
Submitted by shooneaindraykhin on

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Task Achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic. Aim for a more neutral or balanced position if discussing both sides of the argument.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas fully. Each paragraph should have one clear main idea with supporting details and examples. Be sure to directly address the extent of agreement or disagreement.
Coherence Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices to show clear relationships between ideas.
Coherence Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic that is developed, rather than listing multiple ideas without fully exploring them.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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