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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar charts describe how much time a teacher spent at three school levels in four different countries in 2001.

The bar charts describe how much time a teacher spent at three school levels in four different countries in 2001.
The bar chart shows the amount of
time
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 a teacher spent at three
school
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 levels, which are primary, lower secondary, and upper secondary, in four different countries,
such
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 as
Japan
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, Spain,
Iceland
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, and the
USA
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 in 2001. As an
overall
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 trend, all of the regions experienced an increasing amount of
time
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 which
teachers
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 spent at three stages of
school
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.
However
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, it is noticeable that each of the countries didn't have the same number of
hours
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 for each stage of
school
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.
Firstly
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, at the primary schools, the graph shows that the most
time
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 that
teachers
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 spent is in the
USA
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, which touched 750
hours
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 followed by Spain,
Japan
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, and
Iceland
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.
Then
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, the highest
hours
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 at the lower secondary schools held by the
USA
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, where
teachers
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 spent 1000
hours
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 at
school
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, followed by Spain,
Japan
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, and
Iceland
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.
Moreover
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, the highest number of
hours
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 that
teachers
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 spent at the upper secondary
also
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 is in the
USA
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, which the number of
hours
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 that
teachers
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 spent
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more than 1100
hours
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.
Additionally
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, it is
also
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 seen from the graph that primary schools in
Japan
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 and
Iceland
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 have similar times that
teachers
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 spend, which is 600 and about 590
hours
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.
To conclude
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, it is shown that the
USA
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 has the most of the
time
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 that
teachers
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 spend at
school
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, school, japan, iceland, usa, teachers, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar charts, time allocation, primary education, lower secondary level, upper secondary level
  • teacher workload, classroom hours, non-teaching duties
  • educational system, comparative analysis, pedagogic practices
  • instructional time, professional development, teacher's responsibilities
  • discrepancies, workload distribution, teaching hours
  • statistical data, time management, educators, pedagogues
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