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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people believe that teachers can influence the intellectual and social development of children, more than parents do. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and include relevant examples.

#people #teachers #influence #development #children #parents
Children
 are being affected by their tutors during their education, and some people believe that the effects of
teachers
 on pupils
higher
Add a missing verb
are higher
show examples
 than
parents
. It can be easily stated that the impacts of
teachers
 on
kids
 are more significant than
parent's
Fix the agreement mistake
parents'
show examples
 impact
due to
 the fact that youngsters spend the majority of their
time
 at school, and they tend to accept their tutor's recommendations
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 their parent's advice. One of the reasons why
kids
 tend to
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
 affected by tutors compared to
parents
 is the amount of
time
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they share together. An average kid consumes the majority of their
time
 at school by learning subjects from a
teacher
,
as a result
, an intense
relationship
 between
kids
 and
teachers
 can be built.
This
 interaction may put
teachers
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 an
advantage
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
 position for shaping pupil's intellectual and social improvements more remarkably than
parents
.
For instance
,
according to
 curriculums,
children
 spend about 8 hours at school
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
interacting
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
teachers
, considering they are able to interact
around
Change preposition
for around
show examples
 4 hours with their
parents
, it is completely understandable that they may build
deeper
Add an article
a deeper
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 with their tutors,
as a
consequence
Add a comma
consequence,
show examples
 they may become more prone to be affected by
teachers
.
On the other hand
,
children
 may tend to accept their
teacher
's advice. The underlying cause of
this
 pattern is the type of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
relationship
 which is built between
teachers
 and
kids
.
Due to
 the fact that
teachers
 are educated in order to teach and educate students, they are
totaly
Correct your spelling
totally
 able to analyze pupil's behaviors. Since
teachers
 can monitor pupils objectively, they can navigate them easily. To clarify,
while
 a mother's actions
to
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 her offspring are driven by her emotions, a
teacher
 focuses on educating them correctly.
This
 difference in
mother's
Correct article usage
the mother's
show examples
 and
teacher
's perspective may affect
kid's
Correct article usage
the kid's
show examples
respond
Replace the word
response
show examples
.
Moreover
, owing to the
relationship
, which is not defined precisely between
kids
 and
parents
,
children
 are likely to reject their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 ideas.
However
, as
teacher
 determines the boundaries between themselves and students certainly,
children
 tend to accept
tutor's
Correct article usage
the tutor's
show examples
 ideas or warnings. For that reason,
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
 personalities are tend to driven by
teachers
 rather than
parents
.
To conclude
,
while
 some people believe that kid's behaviours are impacted by
parents
, others argue
teachers
 have more essential effects. I,
personaly
Correct your spelling
personally
 support the latter idea. In terms of the amount of
time
 that they share together, and
also
 the kind of the
relationship
,
children
 tend to
affect
Wrong verb form
be affected
show examples
 remarkably
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
teachers
 in
comparsion
Correct your spelling
comparison
 with
parents
.
Submitted by ilaydailday on

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Task Response
To enhance your task response score, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Develop your argument further and provide a more balanced view that includes both sides of the argument, followed by a clear personal stance. Include more specific examples to support your viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on the logical progression of ideas throughout the paragraphs. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to help with the flow. Also, review paragraph structure to ensure each contains one clear main idea with supporting details. This will enhance the readability of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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