IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some believe that charitable organisations should help people no matter where they live. Others argue that charities should only help those living in the country where the charity is based. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#believe #organisations #people #matter #charities #country #charity
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There are many charitable
organisations
Use synonyms
 in the world.Some of them have expanded their charity works beyond their home
country
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 some are only based in the
country
Use synonyms
 where they built.
Linking Words
According to some
Change preposition
Some
show examples
people
Use synonyms
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
argue that all charitable
organisations
Use synonyms
 should expand their work
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overseas
while
Linking Words
 others
tell
Verb problem
say
show examples
 that they should operate in their region. I agree with the phenomenon
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
 charitable
organisations
Use synonyms
 should help
people
Use synonyms
 without considering their place because everyone in the world should
be benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
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specially
Replace the word
especially
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 victims. Those who believe that all types of help must go
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their own citizens think that charities are operated by their own taxes and
donations
Use synonyms
.In fact, many charities which operate in their home
country
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 collect money from their own citizens as
donations
Use synonyms
 or direct taxes.So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 argue that natives should be prioritised when distributing
donations
Use synonyms
. Another reason is it would reduce the level of crimes.Some
people
Use synonyms
 who are living in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
poor countries tend to commit more crimes
such
Linking Words
 as robberies
due to
Linking Words
 lack of money. To minimize robberies, charitable
organisations
Use synonyms
 in poor countries can donate money
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
their
Change the word
the
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 underprivileged sector in their home
country
Use synonyms
 to uplift their living conditions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, all
people
Use synonyms
 can be regarded as human beings and they are entitled to gain
donations
Use synonyms
 and help in spite of where they live and help should not be targeted to
specific
Add an article
a specific
the specific
show examples
 community.If
people
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
become victims of environmental hazards or military conditions, they
also
Linking Words
 have a right to recover from them. To
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
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, overseas charitable
organisations
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 play a significant role
although
Linking Words
 they operate in
another region
Fix the agreement mistake
other regions
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, in
Tsunami
Correct article usage
the Tsunami
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 disaster, more than 2000000 laks
people
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 around the Indian
ocean
Capitalize word
Ocean
show examples
bacame
Correct your spelling
became
 victims and
total
Add an article
a total
show examples
 of $10 billion
material
Change preposition
in material
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 losses
according to
Linking Words
Britanica
Correct your spelling
Britannica
 and Unesco records respectively.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 that occasion,
unicef
Correct your spelling
UNICEF
Unicef
 played a key role as they
supported
Add a missing verb
were supported
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 by immediate
donations
Use synonyms
along with
Linking Words
helped
Wrong verb form
helping
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 the
tsunami affected
Add a hyphen
tsunami-affected
show examples
 communities in building back better.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I agree with the argument of helping
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 without considering their place . In conclusion,
Although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 feel that charitable
organisations
Use synonyms
 should operate in their own
country
Use synonyms
 because they are funded by own public and
heal
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
 the crime rates, I strongly believe that charities
also
Linking Words
 expand their works into different destinations when it is required.
Submitted by Praslah on

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Coherence Cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis statement. In the body, maintain a clear focus on the topic with logical paragraphing and proper use of linking words. Summarize the discussion effectively in the conclusion.
Task Achievement
Address the task directly and develop your points fully. Provide a balanced discussion of both views, and include relevant examples to support your arguments. Make sure your conclusion reflects the content of the essay and your opinion is clear.
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