IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of male and female worker in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of male and female worker in country A and country B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentage #worker #country #b #information #features #comparisons
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The graph
demonstrate
Change the verb form
demonstrates
show examples
 the proportion of
service
Use synonyms
, agriculture and industry workers divided by
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
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 in two different countries.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that in all four pie charts
service
Use synonyms
 workers are the most hired employees and especially it is noticeable in
country
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 B. It is interesting to note that, in
country
Use synonyms
 A spheres of
service
Use synonyms
 and industry
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
male dominated
Add a hyphen
male-dominated
show examples
, on
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand, there are more female workers in agriculture. For 13
percent
Use synonyms
 more women
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
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men
Use synonyms
 working in agro-sphere. Only 8
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of women
are having
Wrong verb form
have
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 an industrial job,
while
Linking Words
 almost
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
two times more
men
Use synonyms
working
Wrong verb form
work
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 in
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same positions.
Also
Linking Words
, in comparison between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 countries second one is more oriented to
propose
Wrong verb form
proposing
show examples
 services.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
country
Use synonyms
 B
is having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 small human resources in agriculture, only 3
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 among
men
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 and just 1
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 among women.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
country
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 B
service
Use synonyms
 jobs
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 often occupied by female employees,
while
Linking Words
 in
country
Use synonyms
 A opposite situation
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 7
percent
Use synonyms
 more
men
Use synonyms
 working in the
service
Use synonyms
 sphere.
Submitted by dyussenovaanel on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words service, country, percent, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • workforce
  • percentage
  • male-dominated
  • female-dominated
  • sector
  • industry
  • disparity
  • proportion
  • predominance
  • statistical
  • trend
  • comparison
  • economically active
  • gender gap
  • labor market
  • employment rate
  • significant
  • minority/majority
  • contrast
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