Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?
Having a great amount of
money
in life
may bring us happiness
. A myriad of people believe that,
Remove the comma
apply
a
big Correct article usage
apply
money
is crucial to have a graceful life
. This
essay will look at the role of money
in our happiness
, before turning to other imperative for pleasure in life
.
Having a good balance in a bank account is considered as
cause of Correct your spelling
a
happiness
. In fact, many people tie their happiness
to their wealthiness
. They think most of the problems are Replace the word
wealth
solve
easily when they own enough Wrong verb form
solved
money
. For instance
, they think the consequences of owning expensive vehicles and accommodation is their happiness
. While
being wealthy is not only
reason for Add an article
the only
happy
Add an article
a happy
life
, the positive impact of owning good houses and automobiles in our lives is undeniable.
Others assume the reputation as a reason for happiness
. They believe famous people, actors in particular
, can enjoy their life
in a better manner. Their claim is, if
they become famous, they can be happy, which seems unrealistic Correct word choice
that if
in
to me. I believe the most important factor of a happy Change preposition
apply
life
is our wellbeing
. Indeed, having a lot of Correct your spelling
well-being
money
can help us to gain
Verb problem
get
a
better treatment when we get sick, Correct article usage
apply
however
we are not able to buy health with Add a comma
however,
money
. Needless to say, the accompaniment of the
healthy body and mind is crucial for a happy Correct article usage
a
life
.
In conclusion, although
a great amount of money
can help us to have access to the
better goods and essentials for living, the impact of other aspects, Correct article usage
apply
the
health Correct article usage
apply
in particular
, is undeniable for a grandeur life
.Submitted by ali on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
You have presented an essay that generally addresses the prompt with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay, work on strengthening the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea that is expanded upon with relevant details. Additionally, including more specific examples and evidence to support your points will help to provide a more robust and compelling argument. Aim to vary your sentence structures and use linking words to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Regarding task achievement, you have made a good attempt to cover the essay prompt. However, ensure you answer all parts of the question comprehensively. While you discussed how money can contribute to happiness and briefly mentioned health as another factor, consider exploring a broader range of non-material aspects that can lead to happiness. This will give your essay more depth and show a clearer understanding of the topic. Make sure your ideas directly answer the question throughout the essay, keeping the focus on how these aspects relate to happiness.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?