IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The number of older people is increasing. Some people think that this will cause problems in their countries; others believe this group is important to society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Nowadays, the number of old people in some countries
is increase
Change the verb form
is increasing
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. Some people believe that there are both
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 and
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
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from
Change preposition
to
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these phenomenon
Change the determiner
this phenomenon
these phenomena
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will talk about different
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
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 of view
about
Change preposition
on
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 the effect of
Correct article usage
the eldery
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eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
 in a country. On the one hand,
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 are undoubtedly
having
Verb problem
gaining
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 more and more experience in terms of theory and practice. It is one of the most considerable
statement
Fix the agreement mistake
statements
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 because they had learnt and applied the knowledge for many years.
For example
Linking Words
, the traditional health practioner
which
Correct your spelling
with
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 skill
full
Correct word choice
and full
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 of experience easy to diagnose from the shymthomp and some
characteristic
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
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 which already occur in the patient’s body. In a short
time
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time,
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 we can know what
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health issue we have.
Then
Linking Words
, all the students from
university
Add an article
the university
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 have
a
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an
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 opportunity to take
a
Correct article usage
apply
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direct practice from the old practitioner.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, old people will
spent
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spend
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 more in terms of pension. In some
countries
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countries,
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 the elderly
is
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are
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 under the protection of
government
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the government
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. The elderly get monthly funding from the country. How much money should
government
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the government
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 spend in a year to provide the elderly care facilities
.
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?
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 If we can allocate the money for education, it
is
Wrong verb form
will be
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 better for
young
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the young
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 generation in the future.
For instance
Linking Words
, the school or the university will get
a new equipment
Remove the article
new equipment
a piece of new equipment
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 that
full
Add a missing verb
is full
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 of innovations.
However
Linking Words
, it
just
Add a missing verb
is just
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 an assumption to allocate all
the
Change preposition
of the
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 budget
for
Change preposition
to
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 the elderly. In conclusion,
take
Wrong verb form
taking
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 care
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 elderly is important but take care and make sure the future generations
more
Add a missing verb
are more
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 and more substantial.

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Introduction
Be sure to have a clear introduction that presents the topic and gives a hint about your position or the direction of the essay. In your introduction, try to restate the prompt in your own words to show understanding.
Structure & Organization
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs: an introduction, at least two body paragraphs to discuss each view separately, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by explanations, examples or evidence.
Linking Words
Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more effectively, ensuring a smoother flow of thoughts. Examples include 'However,' 'Furthermore,' 'As a result,' and 'For instance'.
Task Completion
For Task Achievement, fully address all parts of the task and make certain that your opinion is clear throughout, particularly if the question asks for it. Provide clear arguments for both views and your own stance in separate paragraphs.
Supporting Examples
Use specific examples to support your points. Avoid general statements and make sure your arguments are detailed and precise. If possible, include real facts, figures, or studies to support your arguments.
Grammar & Accuracy
Work on the grammar and accuracy of language use. Ensure subject-verb agreement, proper tense use, and correct sentence structure throughout your essay.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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