IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The number of older people is increasing. Some people think that this will cause problems in their countries; others believe this group is important to society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #countries #group #society
Nowadays, the number of old people in some countries
is increase
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is increasing
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. Some people believe that there are both
benefit
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benefits
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 and
drawback
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drawbacks
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from
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to
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these phenomenon
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this phenomenon
these phenomena
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.
This
 essay will talk about different
point
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points
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 of view
about
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on
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 the effect of
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the eldery
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eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
 in a country. On the one hand,
elderly
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the elderly
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 are undoubtedly
having
Verb problem
gaining
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 more and more experience in terms of theory and practice. It is one of the most considerable
statement
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statements
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 because they had learnt and applied the knowledge for many years.
For example
, the traditional health practioner
which
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with
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 skill
full
Correct word choice
and full
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 of experience easy to diagnose from the shymthomp and some
characteristic
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characteristics
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 which already occur in the patient’s body. In a short
time
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time,
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 we can know what
the
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apply
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health issue we have.
Then
, all the students from
university
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the university
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 have
a
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an
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 opportunity to take
a
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apply
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direct practice from the old practitioner.
On the other hand
, old people will
spent
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spend
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 more in terms of pension. In some
countries
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countries,
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 the elderly
is
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are
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 under the protection of
government
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the government
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. The elderly get monthly funding from the country. How much money should
government
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the government
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 spend in a year to provide the elderly care facilities
.
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?
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 If we can allocate the money for education, it
is
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will be
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 better for
young
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the young
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 generation in the future.
For instance
, the school or the university will get
a new equipment
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new equipment
a piece of new equipment
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 that
full
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is full
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 of innovations.
However
, it
just
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is just
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 an assumption to allocate all
the
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of the
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 budget
for
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to
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 the elderly. In conclusion,
take
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taking
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 care
the
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of the
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 elderly is important but take care and make sure the future generations
more
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are more
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 and more substantial.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Introduction
Be sure to have a clear introduction that presents the topic and gives a hint about your position or the direction of the essay. In your introduction, try to restate the prompt in your own words to show understanding.
Structure & Organization
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs: an introduction, at least two body paragraphs to discuss each view separately, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by explanations, examples or evidence.
Linking Words
Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more effectively, ensuring a smoother flow of thoughts. Examples include 'However,' 'Furthermore,' 'As a result,' and 'For instance'.
Task Completion
For Task Achievement, fully address all parts of the task and make certain that your opinion is clear throughout, particularly if the question asks for it. Provide clear arguments for both views and your own stance in separate paragraphs.
Supporting Examples
Use specific examples to support your points. Avoid general statements and make sure your arguments are detailed and precise. If possible, include real facts, figures, or studies to support your arguments.
Grammar & Accuracy
Work on the grammar and accuracy of language use. Ensure subject-verb agreement, proper tense use, and correct sentence structure throughout your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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