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Band 1

Some people think that young criminals should receive the same punishment as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Opinion

#people #criminals #punishment #adults
In
this
 rapidly evolving world, crime become a major issue across
allover
Correct your spelling
all over
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 the world. Some folks
beileve
Correct your spelling
believe
 that punishment should be equal for every age group, either young or
teenegers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
. I firmly believe that
,
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apply
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pupil
Add an article
the pupil
a pupil
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 should pay the price
of
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for
show examples
 their actions and get
same
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the same
show examples
 lesson for all ages. First and foremost, the
week
Correct your spelling
weak
show examples
 law system is the main cause of crimes in our nation. Some
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
 know the
loop holes
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loopholes
show examples
 of the system and they are fully aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 the punishments for younger
age
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ages
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, that's why they have no fear when you doing something wrong and know how to protect
after
Correct pronoun usage
themselves after
show examples
 any unlawful act.
For instance
, In India, one of the shameful rape
case
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cases
show examples
 happened in 2010 and one of the
rapist
Change to a plural noun
rapists
show examples
 was 16 years old, just because of legislation, he didn't get any harsh punishment and now is living free.
Furthermore
,
Submitted by Vanurajput22 on

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structure
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development
Develop your main points more fully with explanations and relevant examples. The provided example is relevant, but the point needs to be expanded upon for a stronger argument.
logic
Maintain a logical flow between sentences and paragraphs, ensuring that one idea leads into the next seamlessly. The transition between the points you are making is abrupt.
task response
Respond to all parts of the task. Your essay does not currently provide a clear opinion or justification throughout, nor does it come to a decisive conclusion about your stand on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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