IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some cities create extra housing by building tall buildings. Other cities do this by building on wide areas of land. Which do you think is the best solution to the problem of housing?

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Some cities address the demand for
houses
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 by constructing vertical buildings,
while
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 others build landed
houses
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 in large
areas
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.
This
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 essay believes that the best solution is building apartments because it requires a smaller
area
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 of land and the remaining land can be used for green
areas
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. First and foremost, vertical mass housing provides more room for people. For smaller
areas
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 of the land, it can provide multiple homes for people compared with traditional
houses
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. In cities where the housing demands are high,
such
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houses
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 will be offered at higher prices. It will be difficult for low-income individuals to afford a shelter. Apartment rooms usually are cheaper than the regular home,
thus
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 allowing them to have the opportunity to own a home.
For example
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, in Surabaya, the average price of a landed house is around IDR 1 billion. Meanwhile, apartment developers sell their rooms at around IDR 350 million, a lot cheaper.
Moreover
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, the
city
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 has a limited
area
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 and it is very populated.
Thus
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 it will be more beneficial to develop tall housing buildings to make room for green
areas
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 within the
city
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. An overpopulated
city
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 has a high demand for housing,
however
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, if every corner of the
city
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 is developed for landed
houses
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, it will not have any parks and public places.
This
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 situation will disrupt the environment.
For instance
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, Singapore is a small nation in terms of the
area
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. Its authorities built apartments for their residents to provide enough
houses
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 for all of them. If they build landed
houses
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, there is not enough
area
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. In conclusion, the most suitable answer to address the housing demand in the cities is by building high-rise buildings.
In addition
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,
this
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 allows the limited
area
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 to be utilized for public spaces
such
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 as parks.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument before stating your opinion. Your conclusion is satisfactory but work on connecting your final statement more clearly to your main arguments.
logical structure
It's important to structure your essay in a logical manner, with a clear progression from one idea to the next. Use a variety of linking words and cohesive devices effectively to achieve better flow.
supported main points
Make sure that each paragraph of your essay develops one main idea, supported by relevant reasons and examples. Some examples could be more specific to demonstrate how building high-rises can actually benefit providing affordable housing.
complete response
Your essay addresses the task well, but to improve your score, work on developing your main ideas further with more detailed and specific examples. Consider all parts of the question, including potential drawbacks of your chosen solution, to give a more balanced view.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, but you could enrich your essay by contrasting the benefits of high-rise buildings with potential challenges, then explain how these challenges could be mitigated.
relevant specific examples
Include more detailed and relevant examples to support your arguments, ensuring they are directly linked to the housing issues discussed in the essay. The inclusion of statistical information, case studies, or comparisons would strengthen your position.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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