IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

Some companies use major sportsa events for promoting their products. Some people believe that is a negative effect on sports. Do you agree or disagree?

#companies #sportsa #events #products #people #effect #sports
Many big companies believe
to advertise
Change preposition
in advertising
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 their products in big sports events.
In
Change preposition
On
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contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
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, some believe that it
create
Change the verb form
creates
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 a negative impact on that event.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
this
 essay will discuss these points in detail. I completely
disgree
Correct your spelling
disagree
 with the given notion, that it will make a false impact on the event
instead
 of
this
, it is the best way to attract new and a large amount of customers at the same place. At the onset, There are many businessman who thinks to advertise and sell their products. By promoting
this
 in the sports event, they get a chance to stand out of the crowd.
Submitted by hlife4454 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction should provide a clear statement of your position on the topic. Each body paragraph should focus on a single main idea, providing explanations and examples to support it.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more thoroughly in the body paragraphs. Provide specific examples and reasons to support your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, followed by explanations and examples to justify your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Improve the essay's structure by using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This will make the essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Complete the essay by adding a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position on the topic. A well-written conclusion is important for a cohesive and coherent essay.
coherence cohesion
Refine your introduction by introducing the topic more clearly and providing a thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score, ensure that your response to the task is complete. That means fully addressing the prompt with a balanced discussion and completing your argument with a clear conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • commercialization
  • sponsorship
  • advertisements
  • fan experience
  • unhealthy lifestyles
  • competitive integrity
  • economic benefits
  • brand recognition
  • sportsmanship
  • athletic achievement
  • globalization
  • cultural significance
  • corporate involvement
  • public perception
  • consumerism
What to do next:
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