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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information about the price of tickets on one airline between Sydney and Melbourne, Australia, over a two-week period in 2013.

The charts below give information about the price of tickets on one airline between Sydney and Melbourne, Australia, over a two-week period in 2013.
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Two
Correct article usage
The two
show examples
 graphs above
compared
Wrong verb form
compare
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 the
price
Use synonyms
 fluctuation of the airfare ticket
in
Change preposition
on
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 2 routes (
Sydney
Use synonyms
 to
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 and
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 to
Sydney
Use synonyms
). The data was
gatherd
Correct your spelling
gathered
 within a two-
week
Use synonyms
 observation in 2013
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 illustrated in the local currency of Australia.
In
Change preposition
Overall
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overall
Linking Words
,
both
Use synonyms
flight
Use synonyms
 routes had a similar tendency
of
Change preposition
at
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 the time when the
price
Use synonyms
raised
Verb problem
rose
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 and dropped. In the first
week
Use synonyms
,
both
Use synonyms
 airplane ticket
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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 dropped almost 50% from Monday to Tuesday.
Both
Use synonyms
 ticket fees turned steady at the same
price
Use synonyms
 of 35 AUD for 2 days for
Sydney
Use synonyms
 to
Melbourne
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the opposite
flight
Use synonyms
 had one more day.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 stable trend
also
Linking Words
 occurred in the second
week
Use synonyms
 on the same days. Meanwhile,
both
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
flight's
Change noun form
flights'
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Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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 reached
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 peak on Friday, before
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 started to gradually fall throughout the weekend. In the second
week
Use synonyms
, the departure from
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 to
Sydney
Use synonyms
 kicked off with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lower
price
Use synonyms
 compared to the departure from
Sydney
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
 the identic trend to the first
week
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, during the weekend, the
price
Use synonyms
 for
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 to
Sydney
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
flight
Fix the agreement mistake
flights
show examples
 remained stable. Meanwhile, the
flight
Use synonyms
 from
Sydney
Use synonyms
 fell to the stable fee as the
flight
Use synonyms
 from
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 at 50 AUD.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words price, sydney, melbourne, both, flight, week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 3 times.
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