In the advertising, businesses nowadaways usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you thinkn it is a positive or negative development?

Lately, businesses
try
Wrong verb form
have been trying
show examples
to
describing
Change the verb
describe
show examples
the uniqueness of their product to increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sales revenue.
Due to
business competition become more fiercer, business
owner
Fix the agreement mistake
owners
show examples
need to always innovate and
creating
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
something new to attract more
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
. There
debate
Add a missing verb
is debate
show examples
regarding the positive or negative development of
this
phenomenon.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
the positive side,
this
trend
challenge
Change the verb form
challenges
show examples
the owner to customize their product to be better
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
match with customers need.
For example
,
Iphone
Correct your spelling
iPhone
and Samsung
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
the flagship brand of
handphone
Fix the agreement mistake
handphones
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
always release
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
new products every year,
furthermore
, the cellphones always have new
improvement
Change the noun form
improvements
show examples
like
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
camera
Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
show examples
, more interactive user
interface
Fix the agreement mistake
interfaces
show examples
, or more
user friendly
Add a hyphen
user-friendly
show examples
software.
This
Change the determiner
These
show examples
two giants need always to invent something to attract potential
buyer
Fix the agreement mistake
buyers
show examples
, if they stop
advertise
Wrong verb form
advertising
show examples
and
innovate
Wrong verb form
innovating
show examples
then
other competitors like Huawei, Oppo and others will take their spot.
For
this
reason, the potential purchaser always
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
the best of their products.
On the other hand
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
negative
Add an article
the negative
show examples
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
of
this
trend,
that is
the product is become
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
much innovative that it
leave
Change the verb form
leaves
show examples
the initial
purposes
Fix the agreement mistake
purpose
show examples
, the result
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
,
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
loyal customer
didn't
Wrong verb form
don't
show examples
like the brand new item and have
longing
Change the verb form
longed
show examples
for the past.
For instance
, Assasin Creed is one of the best
franchise
Fix the agreement mistake
franchises
show examples
in the game history, the category of
this
game was stealth,
gradually
Correct word choice
but gradually
show examples
, they
change
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
the category
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
RPG and they get
drastic
Add an article
a drastic
show examples
decline
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
revenue, until, in 2023 came back with a new game that use stealth system again. In conclusion, every company always
need
Add the particle
need to
show examples
advertise their advantage
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
make new
development
Fix the agreement mistake
developments
show examples
for their products,
however
, they need to remember the initial purposes of their commodity so the latest upgrade doesn't
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
astray.
Submitted by awalia.septiani.17 on

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Introduction
Your essay begins to address the question, but the introduction should clearly restate the topic and outline your main points. Try to create a more cohesive structure by introducing your arguments in the introduction
Content Development
You have provided examples to support your main points, which is good. However, consider expanding your ideas further by explaining the implications of each point. Make sure your examples are directly relevant to the topic
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more connective words and phrases to guide the reader through your essay, like 'consequently,' 'therefore,' and 'moreover' for a smoother flow. Also, ensure paragraphs have clear topic sentences and the conclusion effectively summarizes the essay without introducing new ideas
Task Response
You have made a good attempt at discussing both sides of the argument, as the prompt demands. Nonetheless, you should ensure that your response is complete by restating the question in your own words and explicitly stating your opinion in the introduction and conclusion

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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