IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In recent years, more and more people are choosing to read e-books rather than paper books. Do the advantages outweight the disadvantages?

#years #people #e-books #paper #books #outweight
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In recent years, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 have been choosing to read online
books
Use synonyms
 rather than physical
books
Use synonyms
. I firmly believe that the
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon outweigh the
disadventages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
. On one side, the development of modern technology
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 the main reason
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how human life
changes
Wrong verb form
has changed
show examples
 significantly.
People
Use synonyms
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 are looking for more effective and efficient ways
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 conducting daily
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
,
include
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 reading. Some of them have been changing their reading activity by choosing
e-
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
 over paper
books
Use synonyms
. The reason that probably
appear
Change the verb form
appears
show examples
 is it has
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 affordable cost. By using the online
book
Use synonyms
 they can have cheaper
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 because the printing cost is no longer needed. Likely some of my
book
Use synonyms
 that I bought online recently, it is charged about 70% from the printed
books
Use synonyms
.
Hence
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, with the same amount of
money
Add a comma
money,
show examples
 you can have more
e-
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
 you want. On the other side, the using of
e-
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
 offers more efficient ways for the
book
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 worms.
People
Use synonyms
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not need to
carrying
Change the verb
carry
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heavy
bag
Fix the agreement mistake
bags
show examples
 when they are going
so
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
workshop
Fix the agreement mistake
workshops
show examples
 or schools. They only have to carry one gadget, either their phone or
kindle
Capitalize word
Kindle
show examples
 (portable reading
devices
Fix the agreement mistake
device
show examples
).
This
Linking Words
 creates the opportunity
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 significantly improve the amount of readers in
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generation.
Furthermore
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, by increasing the number of readers, it will
also
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 engage the reading communities in every school or
cities
Fix the agreement mistake
city
show examples
.
This
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 occasion will help bring more good habit of reading towards
people
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, either boomers or young generations.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, we can not force all
people
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 to choose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
e-
Use synonyms
books
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, because some of them may prefer physical ones for their comfort feeling by touching the paper or flipping among pages.
Altough
Correct your spelling
Although
, there will be a lot of
people
Use synonyms
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
choosing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
e-
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the existence of physical
Use synonyms
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
shall
Verb problem
is
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 not
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
easy to replace. In conclusion, whether
people
Use synonyms
 choose to read online or physical
books
Use synonyms
,
all
Correct pronoun usage
it all
show examples
 depends on their personal preference. Somehow,
e-
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
 will bring reading
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 more effective and efficient ways either cheaper
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 easier to bring everywhere.
Submitted by adibah.r on

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coherence cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is good, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow can be improved by creating better linkages between ideas and using a wider range of cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
To raise your score in logical structure, aim to have a more organized development of arguments. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and should logically follow from the one before it.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are presented, but the thesis statement could be stronger and more specific. The conclusion restates the position but could be enhanced by summarizing the main points more effectively.
task achievement
You have provided examples to support your points, which is good; however, the examples could be more specific and relevant to the argument. Providing data or referencing studies could make them stronger.
task achievement
Ensure all parts of the task are answered and provide a balanced argument when required, as this is essential for higher task achievement scores. Make sure to address advantages and disadvantages equally when the question asks whether one outweighs the other.
task achievement
Your essay exhibits a clear response to the prompt, but aim for more in-depth development of ideas. Expand on the points with detailed explanations to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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