IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people support use of animals for testing medicines for humans. Others believe it is not appropriate to use animals for such experiments. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #support #animals #medicines #humans #experiments
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
If we are discussing about doing animal testing for
medicines
Use synonyms
 or
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 industry in general, a lot of companies are still doing it mainly because it
cost
Wrong verb form
costs
show examples
 less than having the
medicines
Use synonyms
 tested directly
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
humans
Use synonyms
 and it has lower risks. If things are going south, it won't be too huge to deal with if they are using
animals
Use synonyms
, like mice or
rabbit
Fix the agreement mistake
rabbits
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
currently
Add a comma
currently,
show examples
 a lot of companies are more aware of cruelty against those
animals
Use synonyms
 used for experiments and use "cruelty-free" labels to show their support against it or to make people know they are not doing harmful experiences against
animals
Use synonyms
. It can
also
Linking Words
 be a strategy to attract more consumers who are more mindful about the products they use, or consumers who are animal activists. In my own opinion, I do agree it is inappropriate to use
animals
Use synonyms
 for testers because they are living
being
Correct your spelling
beings
show examples
 too, they are able to feel pain and distress, and I feel bad thinking about supporting companies who perform those acts to
animals
Use synonyms
 by using their products.
Although
Linking Words
 it may not always be totally harmful to them, I think it is
also
Linking Words
 right to say that
humans
Use synonyms
 and
animals
Use synonyms
 are not the same. The
medicines
Use synonyms
' reaction towards
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 might have different results when used by
humans
Use synonyms
,
hence
Linking Words
 I personally am trying to minimize my consumption
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
medicines
Use synonyms
 that were tested
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
, because it is against my beliefs and I don't want to think I inflicted indirect harm towards those poor
animals
Use synonyms
. I
also
Linking Words
 believe
humans
Use synonyms
 should be kinder to all living beings in
this
Linking Words
 world
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because we are mainly the cause of the chaos
happened
Correct pronoun usage
that happened
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 planet Earth.
Submitted by Firdla  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Ensure that you have a clear introduction that outlines the topics you'll discuss, presenting both viewpoints before stating your own opinion.
Organization
Work on creating a better structured essay by using paragraphs effectively; one for each viewpoint and one for your conclusion.
Cohesion
Use cohesive devices like linking words to improve the flow of your essay and clearly show the relationship between ideas.
Development
Expand your discussion of each viewpoint with more detail, providing clear, specific examples to back up the points you make.
Conclusion
In the conclusion, succinctly summarize the points discussed and reiterate your personal viewpoint, providing a final thought or suggestion.
Task Response
Ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the prompt fully, presenting a balanced discussion before giving your own opinion.
Clarity
Try to elaborate more clearly on each perspective, demonstrating understanding and analysis of both sides of the argument.
Examples
Provide specific illustrations or evidence to underscore the claims you make about both viewpoints on animal testing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: