IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

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The current lifestyle is easier than ever in the history of humankind, fast access to vital resources, technological facilities and safety in most of the countries around the world, have made
people
Use synonyms
 more sedentary and less independent.
Hence
Linking Words
, I strongly consider these luxuries and amenities
prevent
Fix the infinitive
to prevent
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 from developing into truly
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
independent individuals. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will emphasize my agreement
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the aforementioned notion based on how survival skills are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
affected in front of a crisis.
To begin
Linking Words
, water and food are the vital resources of human beings for living, these were a difficult challenge for first humans on Earth.
Although
Linking Words
, intelligence and strong survival skills inherent to homo sapiens became the dominant species.
As a result
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humans do not hunt or cultivate seeds, the food and water comes from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature to the table or restaurant of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 preference.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 simplicity implies the
lost
Replace the word
loss
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 of natural abilities in front of pandemics.
For instance
Linking Words
, the quarantine derived
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 COVID-19 in 2020
supposed
Add a missing verb
is supposed
show examples
 a real challenge for humankind
due to
Linking Words
 extreme measures of getting close among them.
Secondly
Linking Words
, technological facilities and safety around the world develop a "comfy and
cozy
Change the spelling
cosy
show examples
" way to live and obtain information with any effort. The primitive strategies and complex problem-solving solutions used to
thrived
Wrong verb form
thrive
show examples
 throughout decades have been disappearing. To clarify, only 5% of
people
Use synonyms
 in the world think about how technologies function
instead
Linking Words
 of
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
 them.
This
Linking Words
 might be a problem when a war emerges.
For example
Linking Words
, the nation of Palestine
suffers
Wrong verb form
suffered
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
attacks from Israel,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 only thing
people
Use synonyms
 can do is wait for a
diplomat
Replace the word
diplomatic
show examples
 recession. They lost their capacity
of being
Change preposition
to be
show examples
 resilient and independent.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I understand that global empathy and solidarity as a global benefit is better than
fight
Wrong verb form
fighting
show examples
 as monkeys. But the extreme sight of
this
Linking Words
 could be counterproductive since
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
show examples
 weakening physical and mental strength and
become
Verb problem
makes
show examples
 us more vulnerable.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I agree that our society is not strong and over-reliance individually.

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structure
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and indicates your position regarding the statement. Likewise, your conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position clearly.
cohesion
Work on creating a logical flow between paragraphs. Make use of cohesive devices such as transition words to bridge ideas more effectively.
argument development
Develop your main points fully by exploring them in depth and providing a balanced view. While it's important to support your argument, also consider the counterarguments or nuances of the topic.
content development
To achieve a more complete response, extend your essay by including a paragraph that addresses potential counterarguments to your position or acknowledges complexities in the issue. This will demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
examples
Support your main points with specific examples. Instead of general statements, include examples that are particular and detailed, which will lend authenticity and credibility to your essay.
grammar
Try to check your essay for grammatical errors and sentence structure issues that may hinder clarity. Complex sentences are good but focus also on their accuracy and clarity.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Contemporary comforts
  • Survival skills
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Resilience
  • Problem-solving
  • Critical thinking
  • Independence
  • Personal development
  • Global understanding
  • Empathy
  • Vulnerability
  • Technological dependency
  • Information access
  • Over-reliance
  • Crisis situations
What to do next:
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