IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Sugary drinks should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#drinks #people #sugar
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It is argued that
drinks
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 with a lot of
sugar
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 should be priced higher to reduce
people
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's glucose intake.
This
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 essay agrees with
this
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 statement because of the risk of consuming a high amount of
sugar
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 and that hiking the
price
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 up would promote
a
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apply
show examples
better global
health
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 for all. Consuming too much glucose, one of them in the form of
beverages
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,
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apply
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 can have many
short
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short-term
show examples
term
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 and even
long
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long-term
show examples
term
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health
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risks
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. As an example, consuming too much
sugar
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 can lead to
headache
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headaches
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 and the body feeling sluggish because our body cannot digest all the
sugar
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 that comes into the body. Not only the
short
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short-term
show examples
term
Use synonyms
risks
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,
long
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
term
Use synonyms
 ones
such
Linking Words
a
Correct your spelling
as
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 diabetes is a very prevalent
risk
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risks
show examples
 that
people
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 need to be aware of. A recent
health
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 census showed that the number of
people
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 with diabetes
rises
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has risen
show examples
 dramatically over the past few years, and
this
Linking Words
 is directly impacted by
a
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apply
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high consumption of glucose. Reducing the
price
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 of these
beverages
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 would lead to
less
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fewer
show examples
people
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 buying them. These
drinks
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 are usually priced very low, with them costing as low as IDR 2.000 in Indonesia. To put it into perspective, IDR 2.000 is equal to around 20 cents in US dollars. A lot of
people
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 drink
these kind
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this kind
these kinds
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 of
beverages
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 because they are cheap and they
tasted
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taste
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 good, unaware of the
health
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risks
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 that it brings. Putting a minimum
price
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 policy would prevent the
people
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 who buy these
drinks
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 just because the
drinks
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 are cheap to buy them. A similar rule is placed on cigarettes, which is
also
Linking Words
 a consumable with great
health
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risks
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. In conclusion, I agree that a higher
price
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 for
beverages
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 with a lot of
sugar
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 should be given because of the
health
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risks
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 that it brings and that similar ways of promoting better global
health
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has
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have
show examples
 been proven to be successful.
Submitted by acupofbrownsugar on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to structure your essay into clear paragraphs with distinct functions - an introduction, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and a logical sequence.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas and add coherence to your essay. Words like 'therefore,' 'moreover,' 'however,' and 'in addition' can guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Develop your main points by providing more detailed examples. While it is good to mention a health census and the policy on cigarettes, more specifics can provide better support for your argument.
task achievement
When agreeing or disagreeing with a statement, you can strengthen your position by directly addressing potential counterarguments and refuting them.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sugary drinks, sugar-sweetened beverages, soft drinks
  • Health consequences, obesity, diabetes, dental health
  • Government intervention, public health, deterrent
  • Sin taxes, levies, fiscal policies
  • Equity, accessibility, low-income communities
  • Consumer behavior, dietary habits
  • Education campaigns, public awareness
  • Beverage industry, economic impact
  • Paternalism, autonomy, personal choice
  • Global trends, international policies
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